04/30/2014 03:50 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Is It Serenity or Just Not Giving a Damn?

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At 59 years of age, I am well aware that a lot more than half my life has been lived. I find myself bemused by this fact, as well as interested in the process of aging as a whole. This "being a person of age" isn't quite what I expected.

Somehow as I was walking -- and often running -- through my younger years, I thought that I was on my way to arrive at some "place." This place was the goal, and there would be a "grown up" Robin there waiting to welcome me into the full wonder of maturity and adulthood. This place would be where all the answers rested and I would somehow know what the whole shebang was all about.

Well, surprise! This "arrival point" has not shown up. I am still on my way, and there doesn't seem to be a prescribed destination at all. There is just a series of adventures -- some outrageous, some sorrowful and many hilarious -- that I get to explore and contemplate. These years under my belt have given me greater discernment and a choosing curiosity about life. I now survey the world around me and then decide whether I want to participate in it -- or not. What freedom!

As I move through these later years of my becoming, I realize that I have taken in, gone through and learned quite a bit. My body, heart, mind and soul are the repositories of many experiences -- good and bad -- that have seasoned me. I have a "been-there-done-that" mindset that provides a slowing down and a more thoughtful attitude about much that before would have made me itchy, bitchy and twitchy.

This longer-lived perspective allows me to take a deep breath and a larger view, as I consciously step back from things. The only person I can ever really change or do anything about is myself. I must choose my own path and live my own life. Experience and "hard knocks" have driven this point home to my brain and my being -- often and painfully. What can I actually do about the national debt? Do I really want to bend my grey matter and energy in concern over the latest fashion? Is there any real purpose to my losing sleep over who the next president will be?

With the widening of my life span, it seems there is a narrowing of my sense of immediacy and need to control. There is a sloughing off of the desire to be intimately involved in the "new and improved" and "oh my God this in important!" stuff that yammers for my attention. There is a feeling of serenity -- of letting things take care of themselves.

Ah, but another thought now raises itself to my consciousness. Is this behavior the result of my becoming centered and realizing a sense of peace with the "who" of who I am? Or, is it that I have seen enough and been through enough, that I just simply no longer give a damn?

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