THE BLOG
07/02/2010 10:19 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Make Your 'Staycation' a Real Vacation

It's Fourth of July weekend, summer is here and we want to know who came up with the word 'staycation'. We think it sucks. Vacations are a time for fun, for exploring, for re-charging your batteries! You should be shedding responsibility and giving life's everyday worries a rest! But: staycation? Oh-no. This is a command for a bitch (not you sugar, we mean your dog), not a seductive invite to leave all your cares and worries behind.

But OK, the question remains. How do you relax, escape, and enjoy your precious week off from work when you're grounded? After all, if you're staying home you're likely to fall victim to all those insidious, humdrum, low-key yet wildly irritating aggravations that daily life dishes out.

So be a complete bitch and set the rules:

1. First you must dignify your week off. Be serious and call it a vacation.

2. Lie. Tell everyone you know you have gone away. Unplug the telephone. Pretend you are out of the country and will suffer egregious roaming charges at the hands of those slimy cell phone companies if you don't shut down your cell phone.

3. Go to the library or bookstore and get a guidebook for the city or town you live in. Really. You're a tourist on vacation. Discover new sites, restaurants, shops.

4. No monotonous daily duties allowed: cooking, dishwasher unloading, laundry, raking. Do not touch your incoming mail or mile-high stack of bills. Leave it! (You. Not Rover.)

5. If you have small children, ask your mom/mom-in-law to mind the kids. Set a schedule; make it formal. Or hire a babysitter for the week (remember, you've already saved a ton on gas and hotel reservations). Board your precious kitty or puppy or find a sympathetic pet lover to adopt her for the week.

6. Mix-up your day. Think movies in the morning. A museum before noon. Lunch at a chi-chi restaurant. Drink lots of wine. Go home. Nap, have sex, nap. Go shopping. Treat yourself to a pair of new shoes (all the stores are on sale and everyone else is away on vacation). Go out again at night.

7. Make reservations at the fanciest restaurant in town on Tuesday night, the hippest restaurant on Thursday, a fun low-key one in the university area another. Yes, you'll blow some cash on good food, but remember you're on vacation.

Read more from Rosalyn Hoffman at Bitches on a Budget.
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