03/27/2013 11:49 am ET Updated May 21, 2014

What About Love?

What about love?

What is love?

Love is a state of connection and respect. Love has a spectrum -- the more pure one's heart and the more aware one's mind become, the more in love one can be with what resonates with him. Loving is a process and with the right foundation, it can grow into an unlimited potential that flourishes the person and whatever he touches. There are many types of love and there are many levels to it, but at the core of it, it is a state of purity when one can connect with others at the level of their existence without prejudice, irrational judgments, irrational fears, and illogical conditioning. Pure love can be experienced through a heart that is light and free and is not carrying any negativity from early experiences of life. A person with a pure love also has a desire to help in ways he can to make it a better place for everyone who come to his path.

What is not love?

Love is not being weak. It is not a series of pretentious behaviors with no harmonious intentions, and it is not coming from a state of pure neediness. Love is not the same thing as an anxious attachment and is not letting others take advantage or harm you. If one truly learns to love, what one attracts will naturally not be harmful, but even if it is, such a person knows how to have healthy boundaries not to be damaged. For us to truly learn to love, we have to learn to love and protect our own heart as well. A damaged heart will sooner or later project its impairment onto the world. A healthy heart that is connected with its pure form of love can project the same into the world.

What is pure love?

Pure love is powerful and truthful. It has integrity, and someone who reaches experiencing this level of love has an act that matches his words and feelings. When you love someone, you don't judge them negatively, but you help them and you do what you can not to harm. Pure love has balance. It is not based on neediness, desperations, taking advantage, or fear. It comes from a place of benefiting the other in ways one can. For example, a good doctor acts in ways that benefits his patients. This doctor not only shows great care but also can become reasonably tough if the patient needs an extra push to get healthy. However, this toughness is not because of some unresolved anger or personality issues but is purely for the benefit of the patient. Another example would be a great parent who knows how to show affection and warmth but at the same time strength and discipline in a balance and healthy way. Such parent does what is best for her kids as she knows that if one is missing, the child growth is not complete.

What is fear?

Fear is the exact opposite of love. While we all have rational fears that help our growth and happiness and protect us, we also have irrational fears that block the same. For example, fear of rejection, fear of being judged negatively, fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, and those fears that have nothing to do with the situation but are more related to our past relationships or our childhood. Any energy or emotion attached to these fears need to be released or it will manifest and will contaminate any new situation we encounter. If you want your love to manifest, work on any irrational fear you have. When the glass has mud at the bottom, no matter how pure the water looks, it is still muddy. When you put a spoon in the water, you see the mud spiraling. Then it calms down, but the mud is nevertheless there. If you want pure water, get rid of the mud at the bottom. To do that, you need to do some emotional healing.

How to experience pure love?

Meditation, talking with trusted people, writing, praying, connecting with nature, using your senses to enjoy life, having fresh plants and flowers, keeping diary and journals, self-affirmations, healthy eating, healthy life styles, surrounding yourself with positive/aware/kind people, connecting with animals and children are just some of the ways to work on your emotional side.

Your emotional side is the door to your spiritual side. Your spiritual side may not be known to you completely but it is certainly there. Connect with it and see the magic of life.

Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD

For more by Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD, click here.

For more on emotional wellness, click here.