07/12/2006 06:02 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

News flash: in fight against terrorists, popcorn factories are more dangerous than uninspected container ships


At the same time the Department of Homeland Security's proposed new budget is short-changing anti-terrorism funding grants to places like New York City (which has an even bigger subway system than Mumbai), some interesting potential targets are being cited and are in line for anti-terrorism dollars.

No, not the 94% of container ships that dock at our ports and receive only cursory inspection- a wand wave that would never be able to catch nuclear material and toxins that could be stored inside.

But there are more urgent targets, you see.

And so we learn today from The New York Times ( that the National Asset Database that the Department of Homeland Security uses to track "terrorism targets" has such dangerous Jihadist targets as Amish Country Popcorn in the Jihadist mecca of Berne, Indiana.

"I am out in the middle of nowhere," said owner Brian Lehman, whose business has five employees and grows and distributes popcorn. "We are nothing but a bunch of Amish buggies and tractors out here. No one would care."

But on second thought, he came up with an explanation: "Maybe because popcorn explodes?"

Well it sure does, sir.

Would be just like the terrorists to hide anthrax inside of unexploded popcorn kernels. And when the popcorn kernels explode, millions might die.

And where did you say this article ran? The New York Times? Remember them- they told the terrorists we were following their money. Anything to embarass our great president, George W. Bush, a true Christian man who is keeping us safe and fighting the terrorists over there so they don't come over here and do any more terrorism like nine-eleven.

Or terrorism at the seven-eleven.