12/05/2012 06:40 pm ET Updated Feb 04, 2013

Hearing Loss and Denial

I've never been vain.

I haven't "done anything" to my face or neck.

I'm not happy about it, but I see the changes. That's really all I need to say about it. But a hearing aid? Are you kidding me?

This "what did you say" has been going on for years. I've heard myself say it and known it most of the time, though I've denied it. By which I mean denied I needed to do anything about it. I've just let hearing things go by and turned the TV louder and asked more often than ever "what did you say??" with a voice of lilting apology. On my last audiology exam years ago, I scored just just above the needed linear indicator. Just barely.

So finally I made the appointment with the only doctor I trust to touch the inside of my ears.

AND I will finally and kinda sadly accept that hearing is better than not;
that the people I talk with will be more comfortable;
that I can find hearing aids that don't show -- maybe --
I hope;
and that I am aging
and though I know the numbers
and though I'm slowing down
and though I feel it
I am still energetic
love making things
believe I can still learn and grow
enjoy the beauty of being in my granddaughters' lives
cherish being near my daughter and her husband.

I already know I will need hearing aids.
Cousin Ray
told me Costco
has good prices.
I'm onto it.

Denial baby.
You've gotta get your pretty little self right outa this land of Denial.