09/22/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

I Would Love...

If one hypocritical holy roller explained his adultery by admitting to being a voracious horndog who can't get enough sex, and since his wife won't enudure his pawing,he is always on the prowl for extracirricular coupling.

If Jesus came to earth and told the Town Hall hacks that nothing they say or do reflect his teachings, and if they keep it up,they will be cast into hell, or Mississippi,whichever is closest at the time of casting.

If some bible thumper could tell me what part of the Good Book defends the deed of not providing the opportunity for the sick to be made well.

To know if Michael Steele ever weeps unto himself over his total act of selling out like Springsteen tickets.

Watching Brian Kilmeade appear as a contestant on Jeopardy. Yes, I do have a slight mean streak.

To ask Senator Coburn to explain how being fiftieth in life expectancy has nothing to do with the state of health care in the U.S. He could then tell us what Costco awarded him his medical degree.

To hear the rationalizing of an obese pill-popping college dropout radio host as he explains the ins and outs of health care.

It if Newt Gingrich said "You know,I have no idea what I'm talking about,I'm just up here bluffing my way through the conversation for the sake of ramping up my speaking fees".

If people realized that while HE may consider his nightly half-hour a comedy show,there is a reason people look to Jon Stewart for news and information.

To see what Republicans will say if the economy picks up and the health care bill passes and more people are doing better overall. Will they keep lying or fess up to being so deep in the pocket of special interests that they suffer from lint inhalation?