03/21/2012 04:38 pm ET Updated May 21, 2012

Limbaugh's New Sponsors

Rush Limbaugh has lost a lot of advertisers as a result of calling a young female law student a slut and a prostitute. However, I have some ideas for filling the gap of lost revenue with these patrons:

Acme Gravediggers: We're the last people to let you down.

Placebo Birth Control: You fake orgasms, we fake protection.

Deirdre Imus Diet Plan: In case you don't get enough nagging from your own wife.

Larry the Cable Guy Fashion Forum: Sleeveless equals hopeless.

Jeremy Lin Conservative Party: We don't go to our left, either.

Limbaugh Exercise Program: Bending the facts, stretching the truth, twisting the logic.

Romney Campaign Seminars: You teach him... please.

Donald Trump Real Estate Institution: It's where you belong if you take his advice.

Dancing With The Stars: They're not stars, they can't dance, you figure it out.

Brunette Female Anchors at Fox: We'll find one, we promise.