04/12/2013 11:11 am ET Updated Jun 10, 2013

To the Good People Who Own Guns

No one wants to take your shotgun. No one wants to take your rifle. No one wants to take your handgun.

All I ask is that you register them. Just like you obtain a license to fish, or drive, or vote, or hunt -- do the same with your guns. Contrary to what you have been told, no one from the government is going to kick open your door and take your guns and make you throw darts until you develop bursitis.

Remember when you bought more guns or ammunition because someone told you Obama was going to take your guns? You still have your guns, don't you? Why don't you feel like a sap? You were played and you do not deserve to be. No Democratic president has tried to pass a bill to stop anything from being sold other than weapons that The Rock employs in action films. You are being lied to; stop falling for it.

By the way, your right to own a gun is not sacred. It is constitutional, not sacred. If you think God wants you to own a gun, perhaps a little Bible study might be in order. Remember, the NRA is financed by weapons manufacturers. The salaries paid to their leadership, the luxurious offices they occupy, the thousands of pages of literature they publish, none of these can be paid for with only membership dues.

Oh, and please note that my sister was shot at by an intruder, my father wrestled a pistol away from a holdup man, and no one has to bring a deer down with an AK47. If you haven't lost a loved one to gun violence, talk to someone who has, then tell me why background checks are bad news. Perhaps if we pass strict gun laws, maybe vice-presidents won't shoot a load of buckshot into the faces of buddies at a place where quail too old to fly are hunted down.

Be safe.