Facebook celebrated its 10th birthday this past February, so it's been around for a while. And because of that, chances are you've been on Facebook for a while too. And during that while, you've probably accumulated hundreds (or thousands) of "friends."
From high school, camp, sports teams, college, mutual friends, internships, work, etc., you friended or were friended by anyone and everyone you came into contact with. But as you get older, do you really want all these randoms creeping on your photos? Do you want to keep creeping on them? These are serious questions you need to ask yourself. You're going to meet more and more people as life goes on... and some are going to have to get left behind. It's science.
The defriending process should be simple. Defriend people you aren't friends with. But let's be serious -- that would leave everyone with a max of, maybe, 10 friends, and no one wants that. You can catch up with your real friends in real life, but you can only catch up with your Facebook friends on Facebook. The hard part is deciding which random people you haven't spoken to in four to eight years you actually want to catch up with (online... without confrontation... or anyone knowing).
That's where I come in. I've compiled a list of people who you should probably defriend on Facebook. Like right now. These people most likely aren't going to become famous one day or own a company that you want to work for. So stop justifying, and start clearing out your newsfeed.
You should defriend...
1. Anyone whose name you have to click on to find out who they are. Perhaps they changed their last name to their middle name and their profile picture is of their dog. Perhaps they got married and permanently changed their last name. Perhaps you friended this person after meeting them once and you now have no idea who they are. Whatever the reason, you don't know who they are and they can see everything you post online. DELETE.
2. Your friend's ex. Why are you even still friends with this person? Creepy.
3. Your ex's friend. Same as above.
4. The club promoter. Let's be serious. You don't "club" anymore. Why make yourself upset (and annoyed) when you see constant posts about HOW AWESOME TONITE IS GOIN TO BE*~*~* We all know that Couch > Club. Duh.
5. Your freshman year roommate who transferred. Did you scare her away? Possibly.
6. Everyone you met studying abroad and then never spoke to again. Not only is airfare pricey, but keeping in touch is really stressful. You need to ween off friends in your 20s unless you want to get stuck with a really expensive wedding. First friends to go -- those who don't even live near you. Bye bye.
7. The one you were never actually friends with who got pregnant literally the day after high school ended and has tracked her entire motherhood experience online. Like, you know the names of her kids. That is not OK.
8. The person you barely know who is constantly using Facebook statuses to rant and/or ramble. Whether it be about politics, controversial topics or their own life, do you really need to be updated on so-and-so's personal life and beliefs? You have them blocked anyway. Just take it one step further and defriend!
9. Your old BFFs mom. Why? WHY?
10. That dude you had a one night stand with, like, six years ago. You had to friend him after? Really?
11. Anyone you met in a bathroom while drunk. No friendships can ever be formed while drunk in a bathroom. Fact.
12. The people you met at college orientation (or friended prior to college orientation) and then never saw on campus again (or ever, if you friended them before orientation). What even happened to these people?
13. Camp people you haven't seen or spoken to since high school. Did you spend the entire school year waiting for summer just so you could see you friends at camp again? You don't anymore. Sigh.
14. The model. We get it. You're hot. That is not going to change if you stop bombarding our newsfeed with selfies every five seconds.
15. People you interned with or for who no longer work in the same field as you. I understand keeping a connection with someone who might be able to help you at some point in your future career (you never know), but if you never even really spoke to this person and you know you probably never will again in the future, delete.
16. That friend who is "finding herself," a.k.a wandering through Europe one hostel at a time. You don't need to be reminded that you're sitting in a cubicle while she's selling hemp bracelets from a truck in "insert city here." Let her do her, free from work... and from your newsfeed.
17. Your college TA. Sure he was cute, but now he's married and living across the country. You probably didn't even remember you were still friends with him. But now you do. Defriend away, girl!
18. No one, if you work in online media. Like, no, I would not be friends with 1/8th of the people I'm currently friends with if my success didn't rely on Facebook friends clicking links I post, but my success does rely on this... so I won't be defriending any of you. Block me all you want, guys. I ain't goin' nowhere.
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