I used to want one of those 26.2 stickers. You know, the ones that sit next to the "my son is an honor roll student" sticker on the rear window of your car. My car doesn't sport one of those running stickers and I certainly don't have the honor roll badge!
I'm not a hugely competitive person. Growing up, it seemed like I was always the last one picked in PE for team sports. Later in life, I became competitive with myself. Some might call it obsessive; I called it survival for many years, until the day I decided I just wanted to show up.
For years, I ran and ran and ran. Heck, I was like Forrest Gump running through the small towns across the country; until I couldn't run.
Injury after injury -- copay after copay -- I spent more time in the chiropractors office than I did running, yet I wouldn't stop.
At times, I'm not sure if I was running towards something or running away from it.
After a run, especially the ones where I was dealing with an injury, I would find myself saying I guess that was good enough. I would question my ability and worthiness by the success, or lack thereof, from a run.
The good enough forced me to keep going, even though my body screamed stop. It pushed me to seek out perfection, because failure was not an option.
The good enough that we feel so often in our lives -- that underlying message that we all seem to struggle with. The one that tells us to push harder -- be better -- because being good enough makes us feel like a partial failure.
The other day, I laced up my shoes and went for a run. I had no particular agenda; no path in mind, no distance I had to travel. It was just me and the road. With no route in mind, I just turned right out of my driveway and ran. When I used to run I was chasing a better time or more miles and I always looked down. Down at my feet to make sure my stride was correct, down at my watch to check my pace and miles. Today though, I looked up. Running felt very different. It was more about being thankful for what my body can do and really appreciating what we are surrounded with.
I ran four miles.
For the first time ever, I found myself saying it was NOT good enough.
~It was enough~
I love that we can allow ourselves to get to the point in our lives where we are happy just to show up. When showing up means that we are proud, confident, strong, and incredibly thankful for what our bodies can and will do.
After that run, I found myself wondering why it has taken me so long to get to that place in my life where I am happy just to show up.
Then I found myself speaking a different mantra in my head ~~
The journey you are on only travels at the speed that you are ready for. You will get there when you get there.