THE BLOG
10/10/2014 01:21 pm ET Updated Dec 10, 2014

Why Kim Jong Un is still missing

Let's be honest. We all like to vanish from time to time. It all becomes too much to bear: the constant phone calls, stupid texts, demanding emails, crazy girlfriends, annoying family members. We call it taking time to ourselves.

It's a little more unusual, of course, for the leader of a whole country to do that. But Kim Jong Un, the premier of North Korea (that warm, cuddly nation which just wants to be loved) seems to be taking some serious 'me' time right now.

The rumored excuse for his disappearance is a bad ankle, but I believe that as much as I believe that Kim Kardashian was ever a virgin. In reality, this guy has been lost for a long long time.

The more likely reasons that Kim Jong Un is missing are the following:

10. He was playing with one of his nuclear missiles when it went off.

9. His anal warts got worse.

8. He was abducted by aliens (they finally took him back).

7. He was arrested for underage drinking and dictatorship.

6. He wanted to check Facebook, which North Korea doesn't allow.

5. He ran out of hair spray.

4. His younger sister, who is running the country, is even scarier than him.

3. He's tired of running North Korea and just wants to pursue his passion of knitting.

2. He has gone to join ISIS under his Muslim name of Kimal Jongir Unwar.

...and the #1 reason that Kim Jong Un is still missing:

1. He suffered a heart attack while dancing 'Gangnam Style'.

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