08/20/2010 01:23 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

I Owe You Nothing!

A friend of mine recently called to ask me to come visit her in the hospital. After tuning in, I realized that I didn't want to. Even though a voice in my head said, "Do this or you're a bad person," I stood by my decision. I instead offered to create a sacred healing space upon her return by bringing her healthy food, shamanically clearing her space, and creating what I call a "Medicine Circle."

The curious thing was that she responded with disdain, reminding me of how much she had done for me in difficult times and that she was shocked that I would not go. I simply said, "I don't like hospitals. It doesn't mean that I don't love you." I noticed frustration in her voice, but decided not to look into it any deeper. A week went by and I heard that she was out of the hospital, so I surprised her by showing up at her door with a bag full of goodies and an open heart to nurture and assist her in recovery. Her attitude was less than grateful. She asked with annoyance why I was there and what I wanted. Then it hit me--she was giving me the "You're not my friend anymore" response.

I asked what the problem was and she replied that I was not a good friend. That's when it dawned on me that "all that she has done for me" was to rack up some unseen debt that I was to pay when she felt payback was due. So the act of giving was performed for the mere purpose of receiving. I began to think back to every person in my life that feels that I owe them something and vice versa, and how royally out of sorts the understanding of giving and receiving is on this planet. I'm not saying that everybody is giving just to receive--but there are a lot of people who are not in alignment with true giving and receiving.

It's almost become this silent game we play with others so that we can keep them in our pocket or so that we're not alone. Yet all it does is burn bridges, create fights, and water friendships down to a mere contractual agreement. Have people lost track of truly connecting to a person and building a relationship based on love? A relationship with no strings attached or hidden agendas, where you give freely and receive without guilt or shame--a real soul connection.

What we do on the inside also plays itself out on the outside. If you're swimming in debt then I would guess there's a lot of invisible "You owe me and I owe you" attached to your karmic spreadsheet. It's really how we are raised in our society-- we believe if someone does something for us, we owe them something in return. We often create so much guilt and shame for not being good enough or doing enough, that after awhile, we become bitter, unhappy or so people-pleasing that we lose track of who we are at our core.

When you make a list of pay-me-back slaves, you are actually creating unhealthy relationships based on control. It prevents you from letting people show up or be who they are, just because you gave them something or did a favor for them. In reality, such "giving" does not give you the right to think anyone owes you a thing. This whole transaction is really outdated and so ass backwards, it's screwing up our system of truth and integrity.

We do it to our family, friends, lovers and even as a whole with our government. All it gets you is war, anger and hate, and feeling that people constantly let you down. The funny thing is, it's all held under a guise of "I love you and support you." Yeah, right. Be honest with where your real motives are coming from. Look at your life and see where you are indebted or creating debt. Let's get back to building flowing, loving relationships in every area of our life. Give simply to give and receive without guilt and live in truth with yourself and others. A true receiver is a true giver--the flow always consists of an influx and an outflow. It keeps the universal energy maintaining enough for everyone and sustains the core value of being human.