01/13/2015 02:03 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

A Letter to My Toddler

You, Baby & I

Dear Kitana,

I've realized that being a toddler is a tough job. Your hours are long and sometimes you end up working a double shift. I understand you have an image to maintain but today we need to chat about a few things that's on my mind.

I heard toddlers respond well to the truth so let me tell you bluntly; if you don't start sleeping through the night, the stork isn't going to bring you a brother or sister to play with. Please consider my offer, I know how much you want a partner in crime.

Every time you cry, mommy wants to cry too. Every time you mess, mommy gets depressed (thinking how long it will take for the stain to come out of your new top) and the mornings where you play at 3:00 a.m., mommy wants to pull her hair out.

We need to stop the five outfit changes a day because no matter what you wear, you will always look beautiful. There is no need for you to carry lipstick wherever you go because trust me you look good without it. I know you are a little fashionista but I cannot afford to spend hundreds of dollars a month buying you new shoes and lip gloss.


I understand how important it is to upset your wardrobe and throw shoes around the house, but can we limit this to once a week? I'm tired of playing treasure hunt with your shoes everyday.

I'd really appreciate it if we could work on your emotional management. You bite when you want something and cry when you don't. Sometimes I'm not sure what to do or what to expect.

I would really appreciate it if you could quit your breast milk intake because you've become too addicted. You get so high on milk that you forget to eat food and that's starting to worry me.

I know you love writing on yourself but I'd prefer if you draw on paper so it doesn't take mommy that long to scrub your body every night. I know you pretend to brush your teeth in front of me. When I turn around, you suck all the toothpaste from the bristles and swallow it.

I need you to understand the word "No." I'm not saying it because I want you to cry but I'm trying to teach you that some things are not meant for toddlers. The day you become a tween, you will get much more opportunities than you have now.

Let's talk about the things you are doing right:

I hate when you cry for other kids toys; not everything is yours but I love how you protect your own.

I admire how independent you've become. You've learned to paint your own nails (and mine), put on your shoes and princess dress. When it comes to fashion, you're the toddler they would envy.


I love how you hug and kiss everyone at home before you jump on your toddler bed and get ready for night night.

Your communication skills has improved and your words are much clearer than before, I'm starting to understand that "bubice" means "lipstick" and "pretty" means a change of clothes.

It's unbelievably cute watching you use the remote control as a telephone. I just wish you'd stop hiding it though. Putting it in daddy's shoe was a good idea. I would never have looked there.

But despite everything I mentioned above, I know you love me. You've filled my days with laughter and anger. We created memories I will never forget. Even though I have sleepless nights, I love waking up to the whisper of "Mom."

P.S Where is my iPhone?!