THE BLOG
10/22/2014 02:21 pm ET Updated Dec 21, 2014

Break from Baby

Mike Kemp via Getty Images

As soon as you have a baby, people start telling you that you need a break from it. They tell you to put the baby in the crib and shower, leave the baby with a sitter and go to dinner, let the baby cry and put some makeup on.

I am telling you that none of that helps.

If you put the baby in the crib, he cries so loudly that you hate every minute of your shower. Or he is so quiet that you are sure he is managing to choke himself with a tag that he bit off a stuffed animal (never mind that he doesn't have teeth yet), which then means that:

a) You spend your short shower worrying excessively
b) You hop out of the shower, soak every surface and make baby cry because he was happy, but now he sees you and wants you.

If you leave the baby with a sitter and go to dinner, you spend a fortune on childcare and can only afford a romantic night out at McDonald's. You spend your entire meal talking about the baby, showing new, cute pictures of the baby to your spouse and missing the baby.

If you let the baby cry while you put on some makeup, you feel like a horrible person and end up ruining your makeup anyway by snuggling your baby's face and letting him drool all over you to make it up to him.

Getting a break from the baby sounds like an easy solution, but in reality I never wanted a break from the baby... I wanted a break from the neediness. I wanted a break from the fussing, the dirty diapers and the constant physical contact.

Ideally, I wanted someone to care for the baby and keep him happy while I gazed lovingly from a comfy spot on the couch. I wanted to enjoy him and all his cuteness, and I wanted someone else to also see just how cute and sweet he was so that we could all bask in how perfect this little human was/is.

But, of course, that never works very well or for very long because we all know that if Mommy is in the room, baby has a one-track mind...

So, maybe everyone has a point. How about you? Do you need a break from baby, and do you get one?

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