07/03/2014 08:16 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

15 Twisted Life Lessons From 'Orange Is The New Black'

SPOILER ALERT: Do not read this post if you haven't finished watching Season 2 of Orange is the New Black - but do come back when you're done!

One of the most entertaining and addictive shows around, Orange is the New Black has life lessons for even the most innocent among us.

1. You may think you're special, but the world will show you differently in a million ways. Also, being pretty will only get you so far. As will being smart. You have to get along with people to survive in the world.

scene orange is the new black

2. Find your tribe, wherever you go. Your tribe is your other family, especially in trying situations. They'll protect you, encourage you and keep you safe. Usually.

3. Everyone needs a mother. Especially when things get difficult. But don't have sex with your mother, or she may kill you.

4. Nothing is free. Whether you pay in dollars, postage stamps, or Jolly Ranchers, there's a price for anything of value. Even if it smells of horse manure.

5. If you cheat on your fiance', he'll double down and cheat on you with your best friend. Be faithful and loyal, even when incarcerated with your ex-lover.

6. She who rules the kitchen rules the world. Also, keep knives out of the hands of little children and felons.

scene orange is the new black

7. Dancing is always a good idea and an effective way to bring people together. So dance your ass off.

8. One date does not a relationship make. Be reasonable about your expectations from men you meet, and don't threaten their lives for date. No man is worth prison time.

9. Protect the weak, because they cannot protect themselves. 

10. Sexy is as sexy does. Or overdoes, in this case.

11. Old ladies are badass. Don't get in their way or you may get shivved in the kidney.

scene orange is the new black

12. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes... well, you know the rest.

13. Sometimes it's better to just not say anything. Ever.

14. Money can't buy you love. And it's not easy to learn Russian.

15. Cancer sucks. Even for bank robbers. Make every last moment killer!

scene orange is the new black

Previously published on Midlife Boulevard

Read more from Sharon Greenthal on Empty House Full Mind

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