Sofia Alvim, Open Heart (photo credit Sofia Alvim)
If you've been reading my stuff here for a little while, you already know that I talk about clutter as much more than what's overflowing in your space.
In my previous blog posts I share about the different types of clutter and how each can live beyond your space.
When you get clear and you let clutter go, it has a domino-effect in other areas of your life. So now I'm here to share with you what actually can happen when you peel back the layers of clutter. Like this:
Four weeks ago, I was guided to purge my already uncluttered and ultra-organized apartment by following a hunch that change was about to happen. I set things in motion by starting with uncluttering the space (physical clutter), then my body decided to detox by getting a sinus infection (body clutter) and then I detoxed more clutter except this time it was emotional clutter. I felt lighter but... I didn't expect THIS.
On Labor Day, as I was doing I was doing the mundane task of dish-washing I was simultaneously thinking about forgiveness. It started with one thought on the matter and then another thought turned into a longer thread and as I sat at the computer and began to type, in 10 minutes, these healing words below poured out of me...
Your life can change in 5 seconds. That's all it takes, 5 seconds. I was standing in the kitchen washing the dishes, when a wave, a HUGE wave of forgiveness came over me.
In 5 seconds I saw the faces of the many people who have hurt me in my life in many and numerous ways, with words, actions, absence or silence. And in that moment when I thought of each one, I had no choice but to forgive.
I tried to feel whatever I'd felt before. Those last strands of hurt and resentment I'd felt the last time I thought of them, the icky leftovers that until moments ago hadn't or wouldn't go away and...it was no longer there. I thought of their words, their actions and of all the situations and just like that, it was all gone. I actually felt the Goddess take my hand and wipe the slate clean. I saw the divine purpose in each and every wound, in every disagreement, every conflict and every betrayal. I saw it all right before me as though it were crystal clear. I saw the way of it all. I saw how hurt can be alchemized and transmuted into inner strength, exquisite self-love and most importantly, into forgiveness, for you and for me.
To the ones that hurt me, misunderstood me, vilified me, bullied me, teased me, and left me. To ALL of you who are no longer in my life, male and female, young and old, past and present.
Thank you for hurting me, misunderstanding me, vilifying me, bullying me, teasing me and leaving me. Thank you so much for being just who you were at the perfect time in my life.
It is because of your role in my life that I am stronger.
It is because of your lack of compassion that my own compassion grew and that I can still extend you kindness.
It is because you were closed off that I decided not to shutdown and instead I chose to open more.
It is because you teased me and bullied me so ruthlessly that I learned how to accept and embrace ALL people, without prejudice.
It is because of your attempt to silence me that I learned how to have my voice and speak my truth.
It is because of you that I continue to be vulnerable. It is because I chose and still choose to FEEL my feelings, to BE vulnerable and BE raw, that I was given the gift of your hurt.
It is because of you that I discovered my worth, because you truly couldn't see me and I had to learn to see myself and meet myself first.
It is because of you that I met my shadow-self head on and thus provided me with the greatest healing of all.
It is because I met this shadowed part of me, that I literally cracked open and all the light started to spill out in glowing streams.
It is because of your confusion, self-made stories, opinions, judgements and lies, non-actions, undeniable absence and cowardice that I am who I am today.
It is because of your silence that I've learned to extend my hand farther and open my arms wider. It is because of your fear of closeness that I've made it my mission to LOVE so FULLY.
Thank you for needing me and helping me realize I no longer want to be needed.
Thank you for using my wisdom, my love and my light and for discarding me when you were done with me. Thank you for helping me realize I no longer want to be used.
Thank you for helping me to confirm over and over and over again that my clairvoyant intuition was always right, that what I saw in my mind's eye was true and that I never have to doubt it again.
Thank you for lying to me so that I had no choice but to be truthful with myself and with others.
Thank you for lacking the courage to stay and for running away so I could truly rise and show up for myself.
Thank you for not showing up for me so that I could learn what standards I now have and desire for relating to all humans.
Thank you for triggering me so much that I couldn't help but do my deepest work. I will never be sorry that you triggered me no matter how hard and brutal it was to feel it all.
Thank you for projecting your own fears and your own bullshit onto me so perfectly that I had no choice but to look within. I didn't waste the opportunity to do so and so it was truly my gain.
Thank you for being the mirror I needed in just the right way so I could see what needed healing.
Thank you for prompting my self-inquiry, to fully own what was mine so I could and can do better next time. And I will.
Thank you for helping me see that your truth and mine don't have to align and I can reject and lovingly send back what is yours and not mine.
Thank you for spewing your hateful, vitriolic words all over me because it only made me more determined to speak and lead with love and kindness.
Thank you for calling me out on what you think my problem is because I felt how much pain you were in when you did it.
And my goodness, I shudder to think just how much you must have been hurt in your life to even be capable of uttering such cruel and unkind words or do such things to someone who cared for you as I did and still do.
I forgive you for using me. Thank you. I love you.
I forgive you for needing me. Thank you. I love you.
I forgive you for leaving me. Thank you. I love you.
I forgive you for misunderstanding me. Thank you. I love you.
I forgive you for hurting me. Thank you. I love you.
I'm sorry that at certain times in my life, I didn't show up fully in my power and that I let your opinion of me become my truth. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm sorry that I lived my life apologizing for myself as if I had no right to exist. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm sorry that I shrank and stayed small, lived small and played small to accommodate all of you. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm sorry that I felt like I was too much, believed I was too much and acted like I was too much and that I made myself invisible thinking this was the truth of me. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm sorry that I hurt you in whatever way I might have.
If you truly knew the caliber of my being (which you clearly don't) you would know that I would never intend to do anything that would hurt another, for I have felt the pain of a 1000 hurts and I wish this pain upon no one in small or large measures.
I can offer that in each and every moment, even in the mistakes I know I have made, I was learning and I was doing the very best I could.
It is because of you that I learned how to be compassionate with others because you could not show up as anything other than how you did. Because you too, my dear human being, were doing the very best you could in that/those moments.
This is for you, but it's mostly for me.
I release you.
I release this pain.
I release this hurt.
I release all the residual thoughts I've had about you.
I release you into the absolute love you are.
You are divine, you are human as am I and I forgive us both.
I am free.
Forgiveness does not by any means erase what happened or even erase the hurt completely. For me, writing this letter lessened the burden of how all this stuff sat in my body, my mind and my heart.
Ultimately, it was an experience of healing for me and not for them. It is also healing to forgive from a place of empowerment rather than victimhood. Why? Because I am better for having experienced all that I have, even the painful hurts I've mentioned in this text. I am better for having written this, to free myself more and more and peel back the layers of what doesn't truly serve me anymore. This layer was one of them. I have already let many go and I will continue to let more layers go and anything else that no longer needs to stay...
How will you? How can you let go of the emotional clutter, or any clutter that binds you? My wish is that when the time is right, you will and you can set yourself free.
Ready to unclutter your life? Don't settle for empty life "calories"... No matter type of clutter you have, Sofia's programs can help you cleanse and detox to feel light and free. Visit A Life Uncluttered and look for the Lightspeed Clutter Cleanse and Clutter Detox.
A New Group Clutter Detox begins October 14th!
Get access to The Simple Guide to Unclutter Your Mind video + inspiring prompts to cut the clutter and indulge in the sweetness of uncluttered living!