10/25/2013 01:48 pm ET Updated Dec 24, 2013

3 Secrets to Help You Get Over a Breakup Now!

"It's not you, it's me," he'd say. "It's not working any more," I'd say. Or, "I need some more space to find myself," he'd say.

Whatever the excuse, it hurt. And each time I went through a breakup, my plans, dreams and even our shared friendships seemed to disappear in one fail swoop, regardless of whether I got dumped or did the dumping.

If you've just gone through a breakup or can't seem to get over an ex, here are three things that I did that helped me through my day after a breakup even though I really just wanted to curl up in bed!

1. I embraced my grief, fear and guilt, knowing that those and any other negative thoughts and emotions would drop away in their own time, when they were ready. The key was not to stifle them or pretend they didn't exist. I released the anger, so it wouldn't cause havoc inside my body, by doing some more vigorous yoga classes, going on runs and on the odd occasion hitting the pillow. Anything to get it out!

2. Whenever I dwelled on what I should have done or could have done to prevent the breakup, I would bring myself out of any past or future thinking and back into the present moment by taking some deep breaths, consciously dropping my shoulders and literally looking down at my feet. Because where my feet are is always where I am!

3. To lift my mood, I'd draw attention away from myself and focus on how I live passionately to make a difference. Which 10 years ago, when I was single, meant writing another self-help article, teaching another course or taking on another coaching client. For you, it might mean joyfully cooking your mom a meal, helping a friend paint a room or volunteering at your local animal shelter. Giving away your own unique gifts, is a way to help you and others heal at the same time.

Please leave a comment. I would love to know how you get over a breakup. And go to to check out my new digital program How To Get Over a Breakup in 30 Days.

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