THE BLOG
06/03/2016 03:23 pm ET Updated May 30, 2017

Baby Donald Just Needs His Bottle

Just look at his mouth.

Donald Trump photo by Michael Vadon

It's the mouth of a hungry baby, lips permanently pursed for a nipple.

Now look at his hands. See how they flail about -- they're not just the size of baby hands, they move like the hands of a baby in distress.

Back to the face. Flushed, yelling, eyes screwed shut.

A hungry, hungry baby.

Experts aren't sure exactly what causes narcissistic personality disorder. WebMD says:

Parents who put their children on a pedestal and shower them with endless praise can plant a seed of narcissism, a recent study found...

Then again, the opposite is true, too. Children who are ignored or abused tend to be self-centered almost as a survival instinct.

Whether, as an actual baby, Donald Trump got too much nursing, or not enough, we can't know. But in grownup Baby Donald, we see the symptoms all too well. As a textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder, Baby Donald will:

  • Think about himself most of the time and talk about himself a lot
  • Crave attention and admiration
  • Exaggerate his talents and achievements
  • Believe he's special
  • Set unrealistic goals
  • Have wide, fast mood swings
  • Have a hard time taking others' feelings seriously
  • Strive to win, whatever it takes
  • Fantasize about unlimited success, money, and power.

We don't have to give him the presidency.

Just give him his bottle.

Image credit: Michael Vadon (CC BY-SA 2.0).