02/21/2012 11:46 am ET Updated Apr 20, 2012

Romney: The Quantum Candidate

From physicists at the University of New South Wales and Purdue University, via the New York Times, comes news of dramatic progress:

The group of physicists... said they had laid the groundwork for a futuristic quantum computer... built from devices called qubits that exploit the quirky properties of quantum mechanics. Unlike a transistor, a qubit can represent a multiplicity of values simultaneously.

As soon as I read this, of course, the obvious joke occurred to me: they should rename the qubit the "romney". It could join the newton, the joule, and the curie.

But then I thought some more about it, and suddenly it wasn't so funny -- maybe, it dawned on me, this explains everything. Maybe this is how one candidate can advocate both for and against health care reform, abortion rights, gay rights and Ronald Reagan. Consider:

  • In quantum physics, a thing can occupy many positions at once. So can Mitt Romney.
  • In quantum physics, a result can be changed by the mere act of measurement. So can Mitt Romney's principles.
  • One interpretation of quantum physics says that multiple universes are being created all the time. Many of them by Mitt Romney.
  • And in one implication of quantum physics, Schrödinger's cat is both alive and dead. Mitt Romney's dog Seamus had a similar experience, on one very long drive to Canada.

So maybe, despite all the evidence of our senses, Mitt Romney isn't a flip flopper, at least in the classical sense. Maybe Mitt Romney is the Quantum Candidate: the perfect politician for the modern world.