04/28/2014 12:12 pm ET Updated Jun 28, 2014

CNN Announces New Reality Show Rahm Emanuel: A Towering God Among Men

Following the success of Chicagoland, CNN has announced it will produce a new reality series titled Rahm Emanuel: A Towering God Among Men. "We haven't even begun to scratch the surface when it comes to showing the huge star that Rahm Emanuel really is," said CNN spokesperson Theodore Jayberg, who sat on the knee of an unidentified Emanuel aide in the manner of a ventriloquist's puppet. "The sheer moral authority and raw charisma that Mayor Emanuel naturally exudes on an hourly basis simply cannot be contained by just one TV show."

As with Chicagoland, CNN producers will work closely with Chicago's City Hall on A Towering God Among Men. "We want to portray what Rahm is really like," said Jayberg, as the Emanuel aide whispered into his ear. "Rahm traveling across his city, feeding the hungry, restoring sight to the blind, standing in front of a digitalized backdrop of ancient Rome, gazing into the distance with poetic grace as wind blows majestically through his distinguished silver hair."

Jayberg added, "Of course, CNN will bring its famed reputation for journalistic integrity to this project. And none of it should affect our continued coverage of Malaysia Flight 370, which includes brand new evidence that the country of Malaysia never existed and Stanley Kubrick faked the whole thing."