Following the Italian appeals court's second murder conviction of former exchange student Amanda Knox, an agreement has been reached in which singer Justin Bieber will be extradited to Italy in place of Ms. Knox. "This is a win-win for everybody," declared legal expert Jerome Hallenflail. "Involving the United States and Italy in a lengthy tug-of-war would be fruitless and let's face it, there are few people in the world who won't be unhappy to see Mr. Bieber do twenty-eight and a half years in prison."
Mr. Bieber was last seen in his hometown of Stratford, Ontario, where he interrupted a charity hockey game at William Allman Memorial Arena, commandeered a Zamboni machine, threw dollar bills at players, and loudly demanded elephant tranquilizers for himself. When asked how Bieber is handling the news of his future incarceration, a spokesperson for Mr. Bieber said, "Justin hasn't really had any idea where he's been for a long time, so a few years in an Italian prison aren't going to make much of a difference."