07/31/2011 03:32 pm ET Updated Sep 30, 2011

Motion Picture Association Of America Downgrades United States' Rating From PG-13 To NC-17

In a further blow to our country's international standing, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) has downgraded the United States' rating from PG-13 to a more restrictive NC-17. "We're sorry to have to make this adjustment," said MPAA spokesperson Morton Isherwhile. "But, in recent months it has become clear that the United States' content is only appropriate for very limited audiences."

In 1984, the United States was rated PG-13, indicating that our country contained some material that was considered inappropriate for children under 13 years of age. Since then, the increased levels of obscenity, violence, and graphic depictions of sexual acts in our government finally forced the MPAA to intervene. "NC-17 does not automatically mean that the United States is pornographic," said Isherwhile. "But it does mean that foreign nations will not be able to view the United States without a guardian or proper identification."

Democrats and Republicans have been battling for months to find a compromise since recommendations were made by the Erskine Bowles-Roger Ebert Commission. Unfortunately, Republicans will only resubmit the United States to the MPAA for a PG-13 rating if Democrats cut a number of very sensitive scenes, while Democrats demand that those scenes be later used on special edition DVDs for increased revenue. "The American people are sick and tired of special edition DVDs," said Republican Senator Mark Warcraft. "If we cave in, the United States will just wind up releasing another special edition DVD six months from now." Director George Lucas could not be reached for comment or director's commentary.