THE BLOG
12/01/2014 05:14 pm ET Updated Jan 31, 2015

Obama Clones Himself, Becomes His Own Secretary of Defense

Following Chuck Hagel's resignation, President Obama has had himself cloned and then chosen that clone, known as Obama II, to become the United States' new Secretary of Defense. "This will be an innovative and more positive approach to foreign policy," said White House spokeswhatsit Milton Juliansky. "Now, instead of automatically ignoring the advice and recommendations given to him by the Secretary of Defense and then later blaming him, the President can automatically agree with everything he says and does which he is, naturally, very good at doing."

Though scientists hail the appointment of Obama II as a breakthrough in biomedical engineering, some political scholars are divided over its legal consequences. "The Constitution does not directly address the issue of cloning or any kinds of genetically identical beings appointed to office," says Professor Henrik von Henrik of the Washington Institute for Scholastic Scholarship, Clone Division.

Moreover, the Constitution does not specifically state that the President can be his own Secretary of Defense or nominate a clone of himself or anyone else as a cabinet member for confirmation. Of course, the Constitution doesn't specifically state the President can't nominate a clone of himself for confirmation so, frankly, I'm confused.

Plans to replace the remaining Cabinet members with additional clones of the President are under way, with Juliansky noting, "It's what the President has wanted all along."