10/27/2011 06:21 pm ET Updated Dec 27, 2011

Rick Perry to Speak Through Sock Puppet Named Elrod

In an attempt to improve his ever-declining poll numbers, Texas Governor Rick Perry has introduced Elrod, a googly-eyed sock puppet he will now continuously wear on his right hand and which will answer all questions asked of him at future public forums and debates. "I'm Elrod and the guy with his hand up my ass is running for President! Ow!" said the puppet this afternoon at a political rally in Ohio.

"We think Elrod is a breath of fresh air," said Perry campaign spokesperson Reuben Gallster. "His no-nonsense charm and candor will appeal to conservatives, moderates, and Muppets alike." When asked at a press conference about flaws in Perry's flat tax proposal, Elrod said, "What the fuck do I know? I'm a sock puppet!" The reporter redirected the question to Governor Perry, but Elrod took offense, yelling, "Hey! I'm answering the questions, pal! I'm doing the thinking for both of us and it's about time!"

So far, the slogan "What the fuck do I know? I'm a sock puppet!" has caught on with Republicans while Elrod has zoomed to the top of the polls ahead of Perry, Mitt Romney and Herman Cain, and has received enthusiastic endorsements from Donald Trump and the estate of Shari Lewis. Whether the Constitutional legitimacy of a potential human/sock puppet co-Presidency will be challenged remains to be seen but, as Elrod noted about Perry, "Which one's the sock puppet here?"