THE BLOG
12/09/2014 10:44 am ET Updated Feb 06, 2015

Santa Claus, His Reindeer and Elves to Wear Body Cameras

Reports from the North Pole indicate that Santa Claus, his elves and his reindeer will begin to wear body cameras in the remaining days leading up to Christmas. "This is a very real attempt to address the increasing sense of distrust that exists between Mr. Claus, his staff, and the community surrounding his Secret Village," says Lance Whitforde of the North Pole Holiday Public Safety Unit, Sugar Plum Division. "The cameras will be used in and around Mr. Claus' workshop and during sleigh rides, home entries for toy delivery, mall appearances, and any reindeer games."

While some see the use of the camera technology as a way to provide more accountability, many experts are skeptical. "Is it legal to do this?" asks attorney Marsha Yanripple. "How much can the cameras show? And could this lead to bias in Santa's deciding who has been naughty or nice?" Joel Fellafoul, spokesperson for the Elf Federation of Labor and Candycane International Organizers (EFL-CIO), says:

These cameras could be a serious distraction for elves trying to finish their toys before deadline. In a similar case, the Oompa-Loompas at Wonka Industries were given temporary body cameras to wear and became so self-conscious that they accidentally poured radium into the chocolate river. Children cried/As they died/In a world of pure contamination.

Others don't see the cameras addressing the more fundamental issues involved. "What difference does any of this make?" asks Whoville resident Billy Prue Hugh Who, a father of three. "I mean, Santa sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He randomly breaks into homes. It's just too damned creepy."