12/18/2014 04:58 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

I'll Have the Middle (ST)age Christmas With No Judgement on the Side, Please


Whatever religion, sect, or earth tribe you belong to?

I happen to celebrate Christmas. So Merry Christmas to me!

I think we make too big of a deal which holiday we celebrate. We're ALL celebrating in our own way. And what about celebrations says "Hey, Judge THAT guy because he likes to wear purple pullovers and eat milk duds for 12 days every December." I mean honestly. When did this become a holiday about deciding that what the other guy is doing is wrong? It's a holiday for heaven's sake. Much like July 4th is a holiday. I mean we don't judge the way that the British, for instance, celebrate Independence Day.

Oh Right.


Well, all I'm suggesting is let's just quit being Judgey McJudgerson at this time of year. Can't we just put the ATE back in Celebrate and realize it's all about food?

Come on. You know it is.

The average person will gain between seven and 10 pounds this time of year.

It's not a mystery how it happens. But I don't judge!


But I could.

I mean, I could judge the way my man-friend's pants seem to "shrink" a full size every year at this time. Or I could judge the way my dear gal-pal friend seems to take up a little more space on the sofa when she comes to visit. Or I could judge the way that I really wish I could grow facial hair to cover up my slightly swoopier Chinny chin chin.

But I won't. You know why?

One little word.


That's what we should call Kwanzaa, Bodhi Day, Decemberween, Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus.. any of them. Let's just group 'em all together. We are the WORLD!


It says it all.

It's a vacation with celebration and overeating and well, all things to all people.. and to all a good night.

Overeatacelebracation breaks all boundaries and keeps us all on the same page at this holiday time. And that's the way it should be. No judging. Forget our differences and celebrate our similarities.

By the way, what you do in your houses of worship is your business and I respect it. And encourage it, if it works for you.. do it!

But I will preach it from the mountain tops! The food will bring us all together. It truly will.

For instance, when I was a kid in Atlanta, we had some awesome friends who I will call the Scheins. They happened to celebrate Hanukkah. We saw them every Christmas morning for several years of my young life. And with the Scheins, came two dozen bagels, lox, cream cheese, capers, onions and a block of blintzes.

What is a multiple of blintzes called? A bunch of blintzes? A bang of blintzes? A barrage of blintzes? Yes, I like that one.

...and a Barrage of Blintzes.

We would eat and put on Christmas Carols, eat and spin a dreidel, eat and enjoy the lights on the tree, and eat and talk about the year to come. It was always a joyful time.

And the Schein kids and I would envy each others lives and think that the other family had the better tradition.

"You get a gift every day? MOM... I want a gift every day!"

"You get 12 presents all at once? DAD.. I want a gaggle of gifts all at once!"
(I'm sure that a multiple of gifts is a gaggle. It's just common sense)

Celebrations with the Scheins certainly taught me at an early age that celebrating together was the deal. It was the way to go. We didn't judge the other's holiday traditions, we celebrATEd together and embraced our similarities. The food filled any gap between us, as we broke bread and shared joy and good company and an awful lot of good food.

And then, without discussion or judgement, both families took a moment to get quiet with their own beliefs in their own way. Because everyone should be allowed to. Without judgement.

Together and forever binding between us was the OVEREATACELEBRICATION.

I mean come on! Tis' the season!

Now watch Middle (ST)age Christmas. You'll feel better about yourself.


Oh, and go grab a holiday snack. No judgement.

Middle (St)age is written by Stacia Fernandez and Jacob Pinion and can be seen in it's entirety on Follow Stacia at @Fernandezstacia -- follow her character Marina Lippon at @MarinaLippon or follow her pageMIDDLESTAGE on Facebook. Just don't follow her around the grocery store. It makes her nervous.