Very recently, I was invited to a social get-together that sounded like a lot of fun, so RSVP'd yes. But as the night approached, I was feeling less and less enthused about it. For one, it had been a busy week and I was tired, but I also felt a ton of resistance to going.
So I didn't.
But as I sat at home enjoying my relaxing evening, the thought popped into my head, "What's wrong with you? You should have gone. It would have been fun. You need to be more social." My mind believed that there was something wrong with sitting at home on Friday night.
But the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I was doing exactly what I wanted.
Have you ever experienced this?
Being invited to something that sounds like a great time, like something you'd want to do, with people you'd probably like to know. But there's that initial pause where you're not sure -- and as this thing begins to get closer, you really do not want to go. So what do you do?
If you go, you'll feel resentful, exhausted and stressed out.
If you don't, you'll feel guilty, worried that you should have and unsure if you made the right choice.
Here's the thing. I trusted my intuition (that guiding voice that said, Heck no, I don't want to go!) and stayed home to enjoy a much needed, relaxing evening. But as soon as I stopped enjoying and existing in the present moment, my thoughts got the best of me. Thoughts that have been manipulated by what other people think or what society tells us.
You should be social. You should have "fun" on Friday nights. Sitting at home alone is lame.
And you don't want to be lame, do you?
So how do you decide if you really want to do something or if you just think you should?
How To Be 100 Percent Sure You Want To Do Something.
Listen to your intuition! Sure, it can be a bit fuzzy sometimes if you're not super connected to it, but your intuition knows best. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If you feel even the tiniest bit of hesitation, don't commit to something. Put it on your calendar, say you'll think about it or see how you feel when it's closer.
If this thing begins to draw closer and you're really excited about it -- great! Go. Thankfully without the stressful act of committing, you won't be feeling stress and resentment as it draws near, but if you're not feeling excitement either, then you know it's not something you want to do.
If it's something that requires an RSVP or commitment for any reason, trust your gut. Again, any ounce of resistance is hinting at something that you may not realize yet. You may be double booking yourself, over-committing or you may just really, on a deep level, not want to.
If you "think" it sounds fun, that's a red flag. Thinking means you're not utilizing your intuition and inner guidance. You've probably convinced yourself that it's a good idea, it will be fun or that you should. It may sound really, really fun to you, but if you "think" anything beyond that, then it might not be for you.
I thought the gathering I was invited to sounded really fun. But I didn't feel excited deep down. I just thought, "Oh, this is a good idea, it should be fun and I really should go." Why waste your time if you're not overwhelmed with excitement?
Know yourself. If I'd have stepped back and asked myself, "Is this really the kind of thing I would enjoy?" The answer would have been no.
Deep down, you know what you do or don't enjoy -- whether or not you're ready to admit that to others and yourself. Maybe it's that you can't stand going to networking events. Maybe it's that you really just don't like the movie theater and would rather curl up on the couch. Maybe it's that you don't really connect with those people on a necessary level.
It's doesn't matter... what matters is that take the time to know and honor your personal preferences.
But What About the Things We "Have" To Do?
Now, I realize that there are things that we'll have to do in our lives out of love or respect to others, but even then... if you really, really do not want to do something or know you'll be miserable, hopefully you'll be surrounded by people that understand.
You shouldn't feel obligated unless that obligation is of some importance to you. For someone you love because you truly want to help them out. For something very important to you and your personal goals or development. These are great opportunities for growth, if there is some part of you that deeply desires to participate. If not, then it's only going to cause you stress and resentment. No good.
Take Action Now!
Leave a comment below sharing an experience you had where you said yes, when you really should have said no. What do you remember feeling when you were asked? How can you better honor yourself and listen to your intuition going forward?
Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www.stepheniezamora.com, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to download her free guide, "The Unexpected Trick to Transforming Your Life With ONE Single Question."
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