03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Hey, Carrie (and Chris Brown, and Jon Gosselin, and Others) -- You Can Leave Now

So, Carrie Prejean is having a bit of week, isn't she?

I mean, one week you're the darling of the conservative movement, and the next thing you know, you're being called a hypocrite as your image as a high-falutin' blonde ball of judgment stops meshing with the low-falutin' images you sent your boyfriend five years ago.  

Right now, there are a lot of people doing an endzone dance over Prejean's misfortune.  

Luckily, she's apparently an actual blonde (sorry.  Easy joke) and doesn't seem bright enough to navigate the Mark Sanford-esque minefield she's laid out for herself.   On CNN she made the case that it wasn't a sex tape because she was by herself.   What is that - the "I tried it but did not inhale" defense for pornography?

But there she is, on all the shows, screaming conspiracy, as though liberals travelled back in time and put the camera on the tripod.   Honestly, if liberals had a time machine, they'd go back in time and try to take out Glenn Beck, like the Terminator robots went after John Connor.  This mess is ALLLLL you, kiddo. 

And I see a pattern.

Levi Johnston is doing Playgirl while suing for custody of his kid.  Classy.

Chris Brown releases a statement after Rihanna talks about the abuse.

Jon Gosselin keeps wearing Ed Hardy jerk-wear, dating out of a dumpster, and whines that he can't get his life back on track.  

Jennifer Aniston keeps wanting you to know she's found love.  

And even as we speak, Sarah Palin is doing something ill-conceived and self-destructive to the Republican party.  Keep it up!  You're doing great!

And I think:  Whatever happened to people shutting up and going away for a little bit?  To taking a step back, licking your wounds looking at what went wrong?

Chris Brown has a statement?  Are you kidding me?  Chris Brown?!?  The only thing anybody wants to hear from him right now is "Sorry" and then "Hey, It's 2016 ...can I come out now?"  And then, most of us would like to see him punched back into obscurity for a few more years.

Ladies.  Dudes.  Go away a little bit.  Take a trip.  Hide in your basement.  Live with your mother.  Burn your "Affliction shirts," you look ridiculous.  Make some smart decisions.

Give the public some time to either remember you fondly, like they do Bill Clinton - or be able to laugh warmly at you as a moment in time, like we do M.C. Hammer and his big goofy pants.



How can we stop being sick of you if you won't go away?

Go away.