10/02/2009 07:46 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Conan Admits Affair...With Leno

In an attempt to rescue his plummeting ratings from the onrushing David Letterman, Conan O'Brien has admitted having an affair...with Jay Leno.

"It's not something I'm proud of," said a mournful O'Brien, "unless of course it brings in the viewers."

O'Brien acknowledged that he had also had sexual relationships with a number of opposing late night hosts, including Jon Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson and Bill Maher.

"All of them, except Jimmy Kimmel," admitted O'Brien. "He was just too easy."

O'Brien, who had recently taken a painful fall in an failed attempt to boost ratings during the taping of his show last week, said he was forced to acknowledge the relationships because of something Johnny Carson had told him years ago.

"'If you can't beat 'em, fuck 'em,' Johnny told me. I'm pretty sure this is what he meant."

Leno could not be reached for comment. Representatives for Leno said he's supposedly off somewhere doing a prime time show .


Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful," (, an award winning TV writer and blogs the appropriately-named