07/12/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Thank You, Mr. Oil Speculator, For Saving My Baby's Life

If the energy company CEOs, oil speculators, and Saudi princes ever needed a great PR line, it's now.

And here 'tis.

Oil Companies: In The Business Of Saving Lives

The bad news: Fuel prices have skyrocketed.

The good news: You're around not to afford them

Yessiree. Thanks to oil cartels and other miscellaneous profiteers along the way, there are fathers, mothers, children, entire families, barbecuing in the back yard this summer who, given better news at the pump, would only be sad memories of a road fatality that's never happened.

Exxon Mobil. Less tears. More beers.

And they'd be right.

The Pennsylvania State Police Bureau of Patrol reports a 9 percent drop in traffic deaths on trooper-patrolled roads across Pennsylvania so far this year.

No need for "Thank You's." We in our penthouse suites at one of Dubai's seven star-rated hotels are just doing our jobs.

The Wisconsin State Patrol Bureau of Transportation Safety reports that traffic fatalities have dropped in the cheese state nearly 30 percent compared to last year. Since October 2007, every month's fatality total on Wisconsin roads has been lower than the previous year's total for the same month.

Think of how many bouncing bunnies and cuddly kitties have escaped road-kill requiems. Really think. Picture the squashed and gory alternative. There! Look! Better yet, have your kids look. Think lower prices are a better value than your child's peaceful night sleep?

42,000 people died last year in road accidents in the United States. If we apply the lower percentage from Pennsylvania, over 3500 people are still around to complain about the exasperating rise in the price of fuel.

3500 people who can continue to live, love and laugh.

$146 a barrel too much? Aren't the lives of your family worth it? We at Texaco think so.

Not only that. USA Today reported last week that 13 of 20 states surveyed reported a decrease in traffic citations issued by state troopers over the first five months of this year.

Yep. Driving less; driving slower for better mileage, bears less traffic tickets too.

Can we ever thank OPEC enough?

And don't get me started on mass transit.

Your energy companies. Making gazillions with the betterment of you and your family in mind.

Political satirist and award-winning TV writer Steve Young, is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" ( and blogs at