06/21/2012 12:59 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

My Ideal Presidential Candidate

Amidst the waling about the dismal state of American politics, I tried to imagine my the ideal Presidential candidate:

No candidate today dares to address the plight of people of money. This is the third rail of American politics. Yet, the acute problems of people of money will not disappear and cannot be ignored. Here is how I my ideal candidate would approach this issue:

All candidates emphasize religion and are on intimate terms with God. Michele Bachman, Herman Cain, Rick Perry, and Rick Santorum state that God personally told them to run for President. Obama said "God wants to see us help ourselves by putting people back to work." Mitt Romney knows that, "God did not create this country to be a nation of followers. America is not destined to be one of several equally balanced global powers."

However, none explains how their rapport with God will help us out of our economic mess. My ideal candidate would confront the problem of Christianity in a Bear market by using religious teachings to make us all rich.

Finally, my ideal would navigate compromises in divisive social issues. In place of feuding Darwinist and Creationists, we might all accept the compromise of Unintelligent Design.