08/06/2012 01:53 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

A Man Called Swoop

While we all may have recently heard of the rapper previously known as Snoop Dogg, and his mid-life crisis of Rastafarical proportions, fewer of you may have stumbled upon the story of the guy previously known as Alex Mouton and his similar life-altering quest.

"It just occurred to me as I heard the Snoop Lion news that if he wasn't going to be using Snoop Dogg anymore, it was freed up for some other person's use, so I jumped quick" says Snoop Dogg -- or -- the man previously known as Alex Mouton.

Though it wasn't just pure vanity driving this astute San Francisco programmer/avid cyclists/all-around well-known man about The Mission:

"In these uncertain economic times, it's important to invest in secure properties. With Snoop Lion leading his own risks in emerging markets and new business development, I thought it prudent to cover more guaranteed and proven returns the Snoop Dogg moniker has to offer," calculatively explains Snoop Dogg.

When pressed on the obvious shortcomings of such an investment, and the fact that he is -- as we so unprofessionally offered -- "a gangly white boy wearing military issue 'birth-control glasses' who couldn't move a crowd if his blue Sperry boat shoes and perma-fixie-cuff pants depended on it", Snoop Dogg only had this to add:

And you think Snoop Lion is Jah's prodigal son crawling down from the hills of Jamaica to deliver us to Zion? Doesn't he live in the suburbs of LA in a McMansion with sample-unit decor? I saw his MTV Cribs, dude had dry swamp fronds in an ugly vase at the dinner table, also ugly I might add. Snoop Hen-pecked is more like it. Look, I know I've got big, stoned shoes to fill, but it's not about who you are. It's about how you carry it. So gimmie my gat and a six-four fulla mah niggas and I'll be a'ight...

It's not as though Snoop Dogg's bold name-grab is without precedent. We contacted Bill Farbobaugh (Far-bow-baw) of Lee's Summit, Missouri and asked the man previously known as Prince (the second) what it was like when -- for a better part of the 90's -- he was Prince:

"Well, shit. I couldn't even explain the feeling. Sure, people made fun of me, saying things like 'you're not Prince, you're fat Bill who makes change at Chuck E. Cheese. But you know what? They were wrong. I was Prince."

When pressed on releasing the name back to the multi-platinum super star as the decade closed, Bill had his to add:

"Oh, I didn't have to give it back, you see. I didn't have to. It was now mine. But I just felt it was the respectable thing to do, even if the loss sent my life in a tailspin I haven't quite yet pulled out of. But you know what? It was all worth it," Bill contemplatively pauses, his eyes slightly welling with tears, "because for nine years, I was Prince. Who else can say that? Well, aside from Prince of course. But him and me. That's it."

For our friend Snoop Dogg, life with a new name has yet to get so difficult, as he is just beginning to seep into the process.

"You know, just the basics. I got my name changed on my driver's license yesterday, now I'm busy telling the parents, friends, relatives. That sort of stuff. Though it's pretty easy these days when you can just change your profile name on Facebook and be done with it."

When pressed for details on how it was accepted by his peers, Snoop Dogg had this to add:

"Everyone has been extremely supportive, with a few even suggesting they knew I was really a Snoop Dogg all along."

At the end of the day who's to argue that that's not what it's all about? Acceptance you for who you are, inside and out, regardless of what you want to call it.

We sincerely wish you the best of luck, Snoop Dogg.


Snoop Dogg showin' us he's still all about makin' the kiz-ash...