08/12/2010 04:39 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Straight Nope: Hipster V-Necks

The Straight Nopes are a collection of near daily critiques on styles that have gone astray in modern American culture. Hopefully though the observation of these wayward fashions, and the correcting that ensues, we can all do our part to repair some of what is wrong in our challenging yet optimistic world.

I know these have been around for a bit, but at the same time they totally seemed to just sneak up on the scene. One of those things that you didn't pay attention to until ... blam! Every douche in Echo Park and Williamsburg is sporting one. Remember a few years ago when guys would wear them with a bandana around the neck? That was brutal. What happened to that? Did Kanye post on his blog that we are now over bandanas? Or even worse, maybe I have tuned them out and they are still in full effect. If there was one style that really makes me want to punch kittens, it's dudes with ascot-ty bandanas around their neck. Wild west style, except that makes it seem cool. Bonus nope for gun-printed ones.

Anyway...we aren't here to talk down on bandanas, we are focusing on super deep v-necks. The other day I was at the beach with a friend and we saw a dude with a mega deep-v tshirt on, which of course set off a whole discussion on how he was uber-hipster. Like the depth of the V is a new sociological marker of exactly how high on the totem pole of hipster your perch sits. It entertained us, at least.

But really, do we need a window onto your scraggly chest hair? I don't think so. As guido as an unbuttoned shirt is, at least there is a little hope that the buttons and folds will at times offer a slight respite from the chest-hair circus. Because the truth is, no matter how you want to frame it, chest hair is just misplaced pubic hair. Boob-pubes. I can understand in the musk-spreading sense why visible boob-pubes can work out with attracting woman, but for the rest of us who have to experience it also, it sucks. Does the beard alone not cover your he-flaunting needs?

So, do what you gotta do, if you gotta do it. But at least know there are two types of people in the world. Those who are turned on by your V-neck stylings, and those who gag on their Lattes when you step into the Starbucks flying that fur flag. I don't make the rules, I just share 'em.