THE BLOG
11/30/2016 03:20 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Leaked Text Proves College Basketball Team Will Destroy Everything In Its Path!

As one of America's more recent immigrants (I moved here from Canada, ya see), I got myself a brand-spankin'-new phone number a while back. Well, new to me, anyhow. You see, not unlike that bedazzled denim jacket in the local thrift shop's window, these sexy digits were previously owned.

I discovered this recently upon receiving a text from the coach of a local college basketball team. A text that was quite possibly meant for someone other than me. But as you'll see from our exchange below, the coach's take-no-prisoners enthusiasm quickly made me equal parts inspired and über-ultra-inspired.

I've redacted the team's name out of courtesy, but also because I'll be placing some serious wagers on their performance this year. 'Cause these folks clearly ain't stopping until they clinch the big prize.

And naturally, I'll be on hand to help, courtesy of my mad athletic skills. I'm ready to slim down, bulk up, or whatever it is basketball players do to get game ready.

Anyhow, click on the image below to big it up. Let's go [redacted], let's go!

2016-11-30-1480531196-5050299-Basketball.jpg