12/03/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

To Er Is Human

We've had the Birthers.

We've had the Baggers.

We've had the Deathers.

Now, In light of the IOC's slapping down of Obama's face to face bid for the Olympic games to be held in Chicago, we're now suffering the Smuggers.

Why, they sound almost cuddly, except for anything to be cuddled one must assume that thing capable of exuding warmth.

This latest group is merely a rebranding (or further classification) of people devoted to the sole purpose of defeating that guy who rightfully won a Democratic presidential election; a loose confederacy of street level strategists who are experts in the fields of clotheslining, kneecapping, smokescreening and all-out denying (also earning the honorary suffixation "ingers").

As a group, they are often confused with "Orers" and indeed many "Erer"'s have at one time or another been quite prodigious "Orers": jurors, conductors, matadors and--of course--chronic masturbators. But this is mainly a coincidence and should not in any way cause a furor.

No, these folks who have found meaning in their marginalization, who have turned their lemons into a batch of bitter, unsweetened lemonade, are once again wasting their loyalty--Wasters that they are--at the behest of their masters (Masters). Properly channeled, their unflinching party loyalty and awesomely terrifying zeal which distinguishes them from their ideological opponents would be more than enough to push through many an initiative benefiting America and humankind in general.

And then there's the Erers like me, the people who add the extra "er" denoting active participation within a defined group. But this isn't about me: Steven Weber.

Alas, befitting their ideological imperative, using their talents for positive effect as opposed to wanton obstruction just ain't in the cards. They are the epitome of--and Zeus forgive me--Sore Losers.

Sure, in some sense they are an amusement, fringe clowns with misspelled signs and Malaprop mentalities, enjoying their days in the sun courtesy of a media driven by salaciousness and spectacle and an audience keen to rubberneck when given their cue. When you really think about it, their toxic and divisive behavior, existentially speaking, is hilarious.

I tell you, those guys are killers!