11/27/2013 11:59 am ET Updated Jan 27, 2014

Top 10 Turkey's of 2013

A turkey is a good thing to eat, but a bad thing to be called. It's got the connotation of "loser"
of failure, of a protein "lemon." So here are my Top 10 Turkey's of this year.

Number 10. George Zimmerman. He was arrested again, and again and again. Having lucked out in the Treyvon Martin case, he just doesn't learn, does he?

Number 9. Tie. The return of two TV icons, Michael J. Fox and Robin Williams. So sorry but neither show is funny nor watchable.

Number 8. Obscene prices paid for modern art. Maybe I'm a Philistine, but you cannot convince me that there is not a better use for zillions of dollars than spending on giant balloon dogs.

Number 7. The Broadway revival of one of Tennessee Williams' greatest plays, The Glass Menagerie. My friend and I saw in shock, watching the otherwise great actress Cherry Jones plow her way through the poetry and misdirection of this classic. It was unendurable and I left before the second act and it pains me to agree with the nasty Rex Reed. He was right on this one.

Number 6. A weird guy in Los Angeles (well that could be redundant) who is in his 30s and just spent over $100,000 for plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber. And he's not finished. Well he is in my book. What a turkey!

Number 5. The misguided agreement with Iran. They lie. Oh yeah, and they lie. And oh yeah again, their slogan is "death to America." But maybe that's a lie.

Number 4. A certain baseball player from New York who refuses to man up and suffer the consequences of his alleged steroid use. He blames others and walks out of hearings.

Number 3. Senator Ted Cruz. Enough said.

Number 2. Congress. The government shut down is probably preferable to the government governing. They are all turkeys, both parties. Bernie Sanders stands alone, like the cheese I guess, to keep the food metaphor going.

Number 1. Tie. The roll out of Obama care is too easy, but then so is the other choice. Drum roll please: Mayor, and I use the word laughingly, of Toronto, Rob Ford, who is a crack-smoking, drunken fool who will not resign. Well, he is definitely the Number One Turkey of the Year.