In order to transmute my sexual energy, I had to learn to accept it as a part of my innate nature, love it and then use it for Good!
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires... When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.
- Napolean Hill, "Think and Grow Rich."
Thirteen years ago, I chose to be a wife and a full-time stay-at-home mom. With that decision I felt I had to shelve my hyper-sexual energy. There seemed no good use for it. I logically cut off a piece of it, just enough for my marriage and my family, and shelved the rest. I slowly became a watered-down version of myself.
I somehow convinced myself that keeping my sexual energy active was destructive and negative on the path I chose. It was reverberated in the media, in society. Good moms are GOOD.
I managed for 13 years, but eventually I became sad, something was missing. I began to question things. Perhaps I chose wrong? Perhaps I took the wrong path? These thoughts started to bubble and then the very moment I turned 40 my sexual valves sprung open and this overwhelming lust for life rushed in. I couldn't manage it. It was a wave that was washing over me. It felt amazing, but what does a happily married mother of two need with this newfound sexual energy?
I was confused. I had no idea what to do. It seemed insatiable and dangerous. There was no place for this in the life I'd built.
I didn't want to numb myself down with meds or venture off for an adventure or deny this feeling I wanted to know it more, understand its power more, but how?
So, I did what any girl would do, I bought myself a pole and began to dance!
The sexual energy slowly began to feel welcome and we became friends again. She forgave me for putting her aside and I forgave her for leaving me. That missing piece that made me sad was found. And my sexual desire found room inside my marriage, inside my life and now we can all begin to co-exist.
It is interesting.
A room of my own.
A ceiling High enough.
For a pole.
Ten Years ago...
I walked into a dance studio and
Two kids later
Thirteen years of marriage later
And somehow, for some reason, it is calling me back.
Maybe it's the playground?
Maybe this pole that I am aligning with is aligning to my younger self!
Maybe by dancing on this pole my body returns to a time
I wasn't objectified.
My thoughts weren't questioned
And my life wasn't constantly about
I can go forward.