Writer's Note: It's fitting that the season finale falls on Valentine's Day, because these girls have taught me so much about how to not love. Endless thanks for reading. See you in hell.
LEAH
While flipping through the local paper, Corey comes across the 'Divorce' section that lists everyone who filed in Kanawha County. (It's conveniently located right next to the 'Gun Permits' column.) He can't believe his eyes, mostly because letters are like, all over the page. But L-E-A-H is a nice short word, and he can't miss it. Does his shock mean he never actually planned to go through with this? Did Leah move too fast? It doesn't matter now, because Corey took his ring off all sloooow and dramatic-like.
Meanwhile, Leah's living with her mom. (No, momma's hair isn't on fire -- that saucy minx just got some hip red highlights!) As they discuss Leah's future and how Corey would like to see the babies, Shakiramom decides it's a good time to take out wedding photos that finally came in the mail! She asks Leah if she'd like to see some images of her previously happy life. Though the past wasn't truly picture-perfect, it looks better than the undeveloped Polaroid blur of the future. And the worst part? The twins won't always be in the frame with Leah.
When Leah heads to the lawyer's office to drop Aleeah and Ali off with Corey, she's about two sobs away from full-blown ugly cry. It'll be her first night alone, and the loneliness hits her like a ton of slutty bricks. (Sold exclusively at Home-Wrecking Depot.) She still can't seem to wrap her head around all that's been built and demolished in six short months. "This is a marriage that's led to a divorce," she says to her friend; but it feels like she's really just trying to convince herself.
There's nothing funny to say about the actual process of moving out. It's painful to watch them divide up a house that's no longer a home. Corey's defeated and has no designs on anything. "By the time we fight over it, we can buy a new one," he says wisely. When everything's packed, the girls go back to Leah. Corey walks inside and cries on the floor of his empty trailer. Leah has a breakdown in the car. Only the twins seem totally unscathed ... so at least, there's that.
CHELSEA
With Adam out of the picture for nearly a month, all's boring on the Western front. Chelsea's focused on her GED, and after intense studying, she really needs a "little game break." But what exactly do you do when your self-proclaimed "best friend" is a toddler who screams in your face after you tell her she's your best friend? Luckily, mom has a great idea: How about they go to the car show that Chelsea's awful ex will probably be at? That sounds fun and not at all like a fast way to death spiral into depression!
Chelsea's skeptical about the whole plan. "Mom, are you trying to find a man?!" Mom admits that she is, and it turns out, she's a dude magnet. The second they get into AUTOMANIA, mom makes a special friend. Special friend is wearing a crazy shirt with cars on it to prove that he is serious about both AUTOS and MANIA. Meanwhile, Chelsea's unfortunate- facial-hair radar goes off ... and she sees Adam. All the sutures on her poor, ravaged heart come undone faster than you can say, "The only thing worse than co-dependency is a chin strap."
Oh, were you wondering if Chelsea then did something totally out of character, like wonder how long it would take before she could see him and not get sad? 'Cause then she asked her mom "How long is it going to take before I can see him and not get sad?" Chelsea always keeps us guessing!
But she does have something else to focus on: the GED. Turns out, she's way better at getting that to like her, 'cause she passes with flying colors. "Did you bomb?" her supportive dad asks when she calls. "I knew you could do it!"
Chelsea's flying high! She can be anything she wants to be! She doesn't need Ad -- oh, hey, what's up, Adam? You want to come over and get Aubree and say hi? OK, just give Chelsea two minutes to completely change her outfit and deep fry her hair and get that pathetic look in her big, hopeful Bambi-before-the-hunter eyes.
When Adam tries to hold Aubree, she panics and cries pitifully. But it gets even more depraved -- he was wearing a Dierks Bentley shirt the whole time. He asks Chelsea if she'd like to take a drive, and while they all sit in the cab of his truck like a happy hillbilly family, it's obvious that she's putty in his hands.
Later, Adam calls to see if she'd like to go for a spin sans baby. "You gotta get off that merry-go-round!" her mom warns. "I'm not ON IT right now," Chelsea sniffs. It's true, she's not. Instead, she's on the back of his black motorcycle without a helmet. Now, neither her head nor her heart is safe.
KAILYN
Kailyn can't stop thinking about what happened when Jo came over for his weekday-turned-weeknight sleepover. But when her friend asks what did happen, she refuses to cheat and tell. She's too classy to say anything other than, "Things went further than they should have." Luckily, Jo isn't! When asked, he describes the night as only a true wordsmith could: "We got Isaac to sleep ... and we ended up having sex in the shower." Mmmm, somewhere out there in rap land, Drake just swooned.
While Jo's running his mouth, Kailyn is listening to her heart. It's saying she must tell Jordan that when daddy came knocking, she left the door wiiiide open. Also, the part where this will air on national TV is a pretty good pro-confession argument.
"I just started to have feelings for Jo again. It makes life so much harder. Why do I put myself in these positions." Yeahhhh, that's also what Jordan's wondering, but he's specifically interested in the position where you GOT BUSY IN THE SHOWER. Although her actions seem totally indefensible, she tries to turn the tables on him during the ensuing argument!
She says he can't understand the bond a mother has with her child's father, and reminds him that he's the one physically leaving. Honestly, he has no choice. Her actions pushed him out the door. His final words shove her right back: "I hope you can live with yourself."
Kailyn doesn't shed a single tear, and it's obvious that she hasn't been emotionally invested for a long, Jo-shaped time. When she confronts Jo about what's going on, he bluntly says, "I'm not sitting here, trying to settle down. I'm just living my life." Then he throws in the wildly popular, "This is bad timing."
Now, the tears come. Kailyn cries for the family she can't seem to get back, and for the realization that came too late. "I know exactly how you felt when you wanted to be with me and I didn't want to be with you," she says sadly.
Jo's through with the talk, and he seamlessly turns his attention to Isaac and his toys. Come on, Kailyn. Every formerly-shady girl knows when you play around with two people, you don't end up with either.
JENELLE
Jenelle made the smart decision to go to rehab at Malibu Horizon in California, and when she lands, we see why: The place is obviously run by models. Grant, the dude who picks her up, is like a tall glass of a completely non-alcoholic beverage. Jenelle doesn't seem to mind that she's ruining her chances at getting a date when she confesses that she's never "been so upset, anxious and depressed" in her life. Uh, way to be a downer, J!
The rest of the staff is similarly nice-looking and kind (well, resident aide Merle could use a little sprucing up if we're really in the trust tree here). When asked why she's there, Jenelle explains that smoking has been her release for the past six years, and reminds the doc, "Weed is not really a problem for me. The only problem with it is I'm not allowed to smoke." They've obviously got a lot of work to do.
After her luggage is searched and she takes a drug test that turns up positive for THC, she's given an intake evaluation. We learn something pretty shocking when the psychologist inquires about any family history of depression or mental illness: Jenelle's brother, who we've never heard about, has bipolar schizophrenia. The doctor feels Jenelle may be bipolar as well, and he treats her with anxiety medication. She's surprisingly forthcoming and incredibly receptive. Although she does have breakdowns and feels isolated and bored, she doesn't throw the towel in.
When asked how she'd describe herself, she says "impulsive, smart and angry." When asked what she wants to be, the answer is simple: "happy, more caring and affectionate."
After two weeks, she's allowed to use her computer and cell phone. When Kieffer calls and pulls an "so you're really done with me?!" guilt trip, Jenelle's completely immune. "Why don't you let me focus on myself while I'm here?" she asks logically. "I'm gonna move on," Kieffer replies. Here's hoping he moves on and into incoming traffic.
Although it's been a pretty positive show so far, it's very hard (for us) to be so far from Bahhbrahh. Luckily, Jenelle fires up the ol' FaceTahm! Bahhbrahh is very glad that Jenelle is fine, and can't wait to see her soon. When she picks Jenelle up at the airport, the reunion is almost sweet. Bahhbrahh's so excited, she can barely handle it. Since she's not sure if she'd like to eat a hamburger or talk first, she does both. It's so nice to be home!
While Jenelle doles out really flashy 'Hollywood' gifts, it's the saying on her old shirt that's worth a second look. It reads "the rest is her story."
Though we know that Jenelle's story is still far from a fairytale, here's hoping that one day she finds her happy ending.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.