I have been called numerous things in my life. Some of these were nice and some were hurtful. I have been called dramatic, kind, mean, positive, negative, sensitive and the list goes on and on. These words used to hurt me and I felt like I had to be a certain way for people to "finally" like or accept me. I tried to conform to what society wanted me to be. If they felt I was too pessimistic I acted happy and cheerful and I was told, "What the hell are you so happy about?"
Growing up I was an introvert and very quiet, I was constantly told that I was too quiet and that speaking up was the thing to do. As I got older I became loud and dramatic and then that was also an issue. When I gave money to charities or financially helped people in need, I was told that I spent carelessly and needed to be more careful with my money and not be SO kind-hearted.
I think in my 20s it was so important for me to be accepted and loved. This was for people to think of me as "perfect." For me perfection had to be in the way I looked, my kids, my work, my house etc. and the list goes on and on. Yet the funny thing was that instead of feeling perfect inside, I believed what people told me about me.
It was like I was a robot, who had given the remote control of my life to someone else. I allowed people to control my every move. Even though I looked full from the outside from inside my soul felt absolutely empty and broken.
My whole life has been one big contradiction. I changed the way I was and still no one was happy- not even me. When I hit my 40s something weird happened to me, I don't even think I can describe what it was. It was kind of like an alien had taken over my body and freed me from what other people thought about me. This alien liberated me and told me that it was totally fine to just be -plain simple me. All of a sudden at 40, I didn't have to prove anything to anyone. I finally found out what my real personality was. I am crazy, sarcastic, funny and kind and I loved it!
I became more vain and proud of the person I was and I just simply embraced it. I still had people who didn't liked me and thought I should change , but the funny thing was -- I didn't give a shit anymore!
Isn't it ironic that we enter our 20s thinking we are on the top of the world and will be able to conquer everything around us -- yet deep down our sense of "me" is defeated. We believe what others tell us and listen to them more than our heart says. By the time we realize that it really doesn't matter an ounce of what other people think, what matters most is to accept and embrace who we are from the inside, half our life has passed.
So my message is to allow yourself to be you, be the person you were born to be and, stop and smell the roses. Life is going to happen and the only person that really really matters is the one sitting inside of you, the one that was created in pure harmony with the universe! I so love being in my 40s and wouldn't exchange it for anything.