04/29/2014 03:36 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Think You Can Solve the World's Problems? Don't Bother, I've Done It For You


Do aliens exist? Of course they do! Does anyone out there really think that we are the only intelligent (questionable) life in the universe? Besides, how else could we explain Kim Kardashian and Gary Busey? Hello?

Should the U.S. be worried about Russia? Duh! Vladimir Putin is a rat. A very ambitious rat. Can we ever forgive him for validating Sarah Palin's prediction that he would indeed invade the Ukraine? Everyone should be watching their back with this guy. And for the love of God, someone please tell him to keep his shirt on. Nobody wants to see that.

Is global warming real? Seriously? Stop talking and look out your window.

Can China be trusted? Don't even get me started. I won't even buy their pet products, as they have been known to be the demise of many an American pet. The real irony here is that they own so much of America's debt and property. Yet another reason why we should all buy American. Just saying.

Is a couple at fault for taking their 1-year-old infant and 3-year-old daughter on a sailboat trip around the world? I feel about this the same way I felt when I saw a video of a woman skydiving with her 1-year-old infant tied to her chest. What the hell were you thinking? Parents need to think ahead and do what is best for their children. Put your dreams on hold for a few years and parent your kids. Then go sailing around the world, just you and your spouse. Eric and Charlotte Kaufman, if there was a common sense pill, I'd send it to you.

Is Oscar Pistorius innocent of murdering his girlfriend? Gee, if you don't have enough sense to check the bed where your girlfriend is supposed to be before you fire 4 shots into your bathroom, then you've got big problems. I don't doubt his sorrow, but his story has holes in it. A super sad situation all around, but I don't think for a moment that he is innocent, M'lady.

Where the hell is Malaysia's flight 370 and how could it simply disappear into thin air with 239 souls on board? At first, conspiracy theories filled my head and I was certain that the aircraft had been commandeered for evil purposes. Now, sadly, I think that it lies somewhere on the bottom of the Indian Ocean. One thing that the world knows for sure... the Malaysian government is manned by idiots.

Does America need more gun control? Yes. I am a gun owner and believe in my right to be one. However, and this is BIG however, a civilized society would not allow the purchase and ownership of rapid fire weaponry for their citizens. A government run by the people and for the people would never implement it. Clearly our government is run by lobbyists, crooks and special interests.

And since I'm on my wisdom soap-box, let me add one last thing. People who abuse children and animals should be severely punished. A suitable punishment like being dragged behind a pick-up truck, then poisoned, peed on and burned. Zero tolerance, baby. Zero tolerance.

That does it. Now it's your turn to sound off.