06/30/2010 11:24 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Real Women, Real Sex Lives

Dear Matt and Tamsen,
I have been married for twenty-one years. Our sex life has dwindled ever since we had kids and now it's almost non-existent. I am willing to try anything. Is there something you can recommend to help us. My friends say it's normal at this stage of the game, but I am worried he is going to look elsewhere if we don't fix this.
-Mary Ann

So where to begin? There seem to be millions of "experts" who'll sell you the "secrets" to sex, but those recipes are usually worthless clichés you've heard a thousand times before. The current trends in supporting your sexual desires are natural remedies that work to enhance those carnal feelings while being safe and easy to use.

The timing is interesting especially since the recent news about the two recent clinical trials that revealed that the much discussed female Viagra called Flibanserin, in which a panel of experts will now decide by vote whether or not its approval for use should be recommended. The FDA noted the drug in some patients caused side effects including depression and dizziness. Admitting that there was some success achieved through the drug, the FDA still does not see that data as "particularly compelling." However, manufacturer Boehringer Ingelhein has maintained that Flibandserin works well and has said that the drug is able to increase a woman's global desire, suggesting that its effects are not extreme but rather subtle.

As we wait to see what happens next, there are some options out there ranging from action you can take to products that can help.

Sadly, researchers have informed that a "lack of desire" is the most common sexual problem in women aged thirty to sixty, just as erectile dysfunction is the most common sexual disorder among men in the same age bracket.

Here are some of our most common recommendations. If you have some please add them in the comments below.

Charge Up Some "Sexy:"
Buy something sexy for yourself. Make it that new bra and panties set you had your eye on because when you feel sexy, you will act sexier as well. Something as simple as wearing a new sexy outfit can really put you and your partner in the mood for some under the sheets action.

Make A Date... With Your Body:
Prepare a romantic meal for yourself, light those new scented candles, run a luxurious bubble bath then get lost in YOU. We are often so busy doing this and that for others that we forget to take time for ourselves. When was the last time you thought about where you like to be touched? Can you quickly describe your favorite sexual fantasy? Seize the moment to remind yourself that you are every inch a very sexual creature! Trust us, by focusing on your own personal pleasure you'll ensure that your sexual partner will be rewarded by your renewed knowledge of "how and where you like it."

Natural Arousal Oils To Massage Your Soul:
That's right, you don't have to stop at massage oils, there are arousal oils out there to help your sex life along.

A recent study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy recently declared that the botanical massage oil Zestra was effective in enhancing sexual arousal in the women. If you want to try a sample, here is a link for you to follow. Zestra is a sexual arousal aid that is truly a departure from what is usually available on the consumer market. Zestra is derived from all natural sources unlike synthetically produced warming gels. And, though there are other topically applied products based on plant derivatives, only Zestra Essential Arousal Oils have undergone clinical trial testing. The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy findings indicated that the study subjects demonstrated "statistically significant improvements... in level of arousal, level of desire, satisfaction with arousal, genital sensation, ability to have orgasms, and sexual pleasure."

Sex Somewhere Else:
Ever imagine making love at your favorite restaurant? Pretending you have the whole place to yourselves will add a little spice to the menu... even if it's just you both on your kitchen table. Even more adventurous is to try your apartment stairwell or that little used freight elevator! Swing by that cute little motel you wanted to check out and rent a room for the hour. You will be amazed by how much better the sex is when you make it new and spontaneous... just be aware and careful, you don't want to get caught!

It may be difficult to get started, but you have to take the first step to spice up your sex life. Remember it is very important to keep building the excitement and romance in your relationship. It's really not that difficult to add some spark if you are informed and creative. Like our great-grandmother use to say, "It's the simple things that make all the difference."

If you have a question for Matt & Tamsen... send it to: