06/25/2013 06:38 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

4 Kids, a Minivan, a Dog and... Two Moms. Yawn.

Do you remember seeing Bound? How about that kiss in Black Swan? I have a new theory (and I'm only 75-80% joking about it).

Maybe opponents to equal marriage are simply worried about making lesbians boring. Lesbians... the sexy, alluring creatures of desire and mystery. Exotic and unattainable, like frankincense... myrrh... white truffles.

From my college days I remember vividly Sharon Stone's lesbian kiss in Basic Instinct that made everyone go nuts... me included. Mostly, I remember thinking, Where is that place? Where are those lesbians? Can I go there?

It turns out -- like many things in movies-- those are the places of fantasies and dreams (some really good ones for sure) but still...

I think that maybe, just maybe -- as we wait for the Supreme Court's ruling and glimpse the possibility of greater fairness and equality for more people in our country -- maybe all this protest and anger (not to get too Freudian) is really just repressed fear. Fear of loss of that exotic, rare, ephemeral creature -- the movie-star-hot-lesbian-who's-secretly-there-all-for-you. Maybe we are all just slightly afraid that if 'the lesbians' turn out simply to be mini-van-driving-soccer-moms like me (minus the soccer... we're more a mix of tap dance and Minecraft over here)... If that is the case, then we might all suffer a great emotional loss. The world will lose a bit of color and pizzazz. (I'm not going to say anything about fairies weeping). I think we all worry that the world might get a little bit more boring. When all the exotic creatures we sensationalize turn out to be just... people. People just trudging through their lives, trying with all their might to slog through the last few weeks of the school year, pay the bills, get to work with one tiny shred of sanity still intact... yawn... zzzz what... sorry... mini nap on the keyboard of life.

You know what? I worry about that too.