04/18/2011 02:06 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Moms: Go from Lack to Abundance in 5 Simple Steps

Lack. It is what drives us in our need to compete and get ahead. Greed comes from lack. War stems from lack. Gossiping, bullying, peer pressure, anger, judgment, blame, resentment, sadness and often depression are derived from a sense of lack. What is lack? It is a feeling of insufficiency, a desire for the things you believe you don't have.

My teenage daughters constantly remind me of the lack in our world. My youngest, Kolbi, often comes home from high school sharing stories of how girls bully each other. They are like pack animals. As soon as one steps out of the crowd to be different, the pack lashes out. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Women are so catty." The reason for this is lack, too. If a woman feels good about herself, she has no reason to attack.

So where does the lack in our world come from? It begins in the home.

I am a spiritual coach, but I am a mom first. Like so many moms, for years I felt a sense of lack in my life. I felt less than. I believed that my children and spouse mattered more than I did. I tried to prove my sense of worthiness by doing everything for my family. I wanted to be the best.

I thought the love for my family is what drove me. But when I looked deep within, I knew that it was an inner lack that pushed me.

I wanted to experience love. I wanted to feel abundant. I wanted to feel whole. The key word here is "wanted." I was looking for this love from the outside world. I wanted people to fill me up. I was performing for love. I truly believed that by doing everything right as a mom, I would in return be loved. But instead of feeling whole, I became controlling, angry, sad, frustrated and filled with resentment.

What I soon realized was that my negative reactions were directly correlated with how much I denied myself. And in my self-denial, I disconnected from my heart, perpetuating a cycle of pain and suffering. By performing, always seeking love and abundance from my outer world, I was setting a tone of lack for my whole family.

It's not what we do for our families but how we live our lives that impacts them the most.

Our greatest desire as humans is to experience love. But as long as we look for this outside ourselves, we will always feel a sense of lack. And when you live your life this way, your family will do the same. We mommas are the role models for the world.

It is only by making a decision to stop performing for love, and then cleaning up the false beliefs that cause your lack in the first place, that you will finally experience the love and abundance you crave.

I discovered this truth when I made a decision to heal my life. I allowed lack to be my guide. I let it take me to the false beliefs that told me how I must be or how I should act to receive love. And with the release of each belief, I connected to my heart.

As I said yes to the way I was created and stopped performing for love, I became a much more joyous, abundant and loving mom. I had spent my life seeking love from the outside world, when it had been inside me all along.

Lack left my life. And as I healed, my family healed. The judgment, resentment and blame that had permeated our home for so long melted away.

This is the kind of power that we have as moms. We have the ability to set the tone of lack or abundance for our families and the world. I've seen this first-hand in my own life and with my clients and students. The key is to claim that power. In my new book, "The Enlightened Mom: A Mother's Guide for Bringing Peace, Love and Light to Your Family's Life," I show you how to shift your life and home from lack to abundance. Here are a few simple steps to get started:

  1. Ask yourself, "How does lack show up in my life?" When you walk into a room, do you feel as if you belong? Or do you feel alone? Do you find yourself angry, jealous, resentful, run-down or sad? Are you buried in guilt? Do you knock others down so that you might feel better about yourself? Do you hold your voice in? Are you letting your kids, your friends, your spouse or a boss run over you? Do you feel as if there is not enough money to go around? Make a list of the situations and relationships where lack reveals itself in your life.
  2. Let your feelings be the guide. They tell you when you are disconnected from your heart. Go down your list. Which of these situations makes you feel the most emotional? Think about how it's affecting your life. Allow yourself to feel everything.
  3. Ask yourself, "What is the false belief I'm holding on to that keeps me in lack with this situation?" Think of the false beliefs in your mind as rules you believe you must follow to experience love. Anything that takes you away from feeling joyful, abundant and loving is a sign that you're denying yourself and still performing.
  4. Release the belief by asking, "What would love look like?" Give yourself permission to stand in your truth, knowing that this is the loving thing to do for your family.
  5. Take inspired action. As you listen to the messages in your heart and take action, you create a Divine connection, finally experiencing the abundance you've been seeking.

We mommas tend to think that we will be selfish if we stop denying ourselves. However, true selfishness is when we perpetuate a cycle of pain and suffering. Your greatest act of service is to say yes to your heart, becoming an example of peace, light and love for your family and the world.