11/28/2012 12:30 pm ET Updated Jan 28, 2013

Mars Needs Weed

Elon Musk, the entrepreneur behind PayPal, Tesla Motors and rocket company SpaceX, recently made a call for the colonization of Mars with up to 80,000 new citizens. If anyone can have the determination and vision to colonize Mars, Musk is starting to seem like a good choice with his track record of re-inventing things for the 21st century. He's not satisfied with the status quo -- he's creating change.

In Musk's not-so-distant future, the trip to Mars would probably be having you miss some of the creature comforts of earthly living. You know, the list of "one things" you'd want if you were far from home; your favorite albums, a large vat of your mom's lasagna, your dog Pepper -- and if you're like us, a couple ounces of the sweet chronic, weed, pot -- marijuana.

And here's the thing, Mars needs weed.

Outside the bounds of earthly antiquated laws and prohibition, Mars is completely weed-friendly. No failed drug wars, no politicians out of step with the new Mars settlers -- and plenty of cool shit to see while being completely baked.

It takes about nine months to get to Mars via our rocket ship (mental note: might want to bring "Rocket Man" on iPod) and the first month would undoubtedly be pretty interesting. The takeoff and sensation of floating in air weightless would be something I don't think I could ever prepare coming from Earth and its gravity constantly keeping me down.

I'm weightless, free and floating -- literally and figuratively.

Looking out of the rocket ship and seeing the earth leaving us behind as we journeyed past the moon and onto the red planet has been described by astronaut Edgar Mitchell as, "a sparkling blue and white jewel, a light, delicate sky-blue sphere laced with slowly swirling veils of white, rising gradually like a small pearl in a thick sea of black mystery." OK, that sounds like total time for the album cue of The Wall and a heavy dose of Sour D.

But, the next eight months of the trip -- total bore. 33 million miles of utter blackness. Same old things and same old conversations with my fellow passengers on the long, long, long journey. I know I would be completely bored like a small child in the back seat of a car trip. "Are we there yet?" "How much longer are we going to have to wait for the end of this awful trip?" I may have to rethink my entire carry-on quantity of cannabis.

Finally after so long, we've landed on the fourth planet from the sun and it's time to adjust to a new Mars lifestyle free from Earth's old ways. Who's the boss of yourself and your own personal liberty? You! Welcome to Mars.

What's so different on Mars than Earth for the well-traveled stoner?

  • Weed-induced paranoia is no longer concerned with the police busting down your door. New paranoia: sudden loss of oxygen in the bio dome.
  • Cultivation on earth: cumbersome and expensive. Cultivation on Mars: luckily, we found complete DIY directions from -- they seem to have had this whole trip in mind from the get-go.
  • Hemp cultivation on earth is banned in the USA. On Mars (like China), farming requires efficient growing with conservation of resources -- hemp is an easy, inexpensive crop with hundreds of uses.
  • Earth has a drug war. Mars can instead use the billions of dollars wasted on prohibition for improving the life of its citizens with a stellar education system, funding the arts, sciences and medical research -- including investigating the cancer-fighting properties of cannabinoids.

With all of the new thinking going forward on Mars, millions of weary Earthlings will want to make the trip to a place that prioritizes our future.

I'm sure there are millions of differences between our world and the new Mars world when it comes to weed -- but I'll have eight to nine months to think about them when we take the journey to our new world outpost.

Of course, I have to come up with estimated $500,000 Mars ticket price first -- perhaps I should have invested in the roller coaster canna stock MedBox. (Twenty thousand dollars would have become five hundred thousand in a week.)

In the meantime, we all need to do some things to make Earth a little bit more Mars-like. Vote for people that reflect your 21st-century values, talk to people about changing laws that keep people down, be a little friendlier to each other and learn to garden hydroponically.