If the lack of blog updates on ZachBraff.com are any indication, sensitive actor Zach Braff is dead.
Since its inception in 2006, Braff regularly updated his blog with captivating entries such as "Hi There" and "My Favorite Songs to Listen to in the Rain," but has not been heard from in months.
"He's obviously dead," said Alfred Dale, LAPD Police Chief. "How else would you explain it? Let's face facts: a new Cary Brothers album came out this year. If Braff was alive, you know he'd be blogging about it. He's dead. No doubt about it."
While family members and police are just catching wind of his likely death, the average-looking actor's fan base has been freaking out for months.
Many felt something was amiss last November, when Braff posted one of his last recorded blogs, which read "VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE! OBAMA!".
"He's usually so articulate," said Last Kiss fan Meagan Moss, who was tipped off because Braff is known for using one verb per sentence. "I'm looking at that and seeing five verbs, so clearly he was dying when he wrote that. Let's just hope that The Shins are on heaven's soundtrack. They'll change your afterlife."
Not all fans have reached the unfortunate conclusion, and point to the blog for proof.
"If Zach actually died, he would address it on the blog," one fan pointed out. "He'd write something funny, and of course, poignant. It would feel like a voice-over from an episode of Scrubs."
-Dan Abramson, thehollywoodham.com
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