10/06/2013 12:50 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

How To Deal With His Bachelor Party

Photo: Betsi Ewing Studio/ The Knot

By Kate Wood for

Don't worry -- you're hardly the first bride to feel uncomfortable about the bachelor party. Though out-of-control antics on movies and TV make it look like total debauchery is headed your future husband's way, the real-life version will likely be a bit more mundane. If it's making you uncomfortable, read on for some honest info and advice.

Let Him Have It
We don't mean unleash your inner bridezilla. If he wants to have a bachelor party, let him. It's an important guy ritual to blow off steam pre-wedding and for him to reassure his pals that he's still "one of the guys" even though he's making a commitment to marriage. This is a good thing: After all, you're planning on keeping your circle of friends tight post-wedding, so he should have his crew too.

The Unexpected Is A Possibility
Bachelor parties aren't exactly what they used to be. Rather than the stereotypical evening of strippers and stogies, many men today are opting for other types of parties. Taking a weekend trip with the guys -- think outdoorsy activities like white-water rafting and fly-fishing -- is a popular option. Even those who stay closer to home might go with an unconventional activity that's fun and out of the ordinary, like suiting up for some paintball or touring a local brewery.

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Communicate Your Limits
Be open about your feelings. This doesn't mean nag him endlessly; it means tell him what makes you uncomfortable. Saying, "Thinking about you hiring a stripper makes me feel unhappy" is very different than saying, "You'll hire a stripper over my dead body." Remember, this is your fiance here -- he wants you to be happy. Letting him know your threshold for wild-and-craziness is totally acceptable, and he should appreciate that you were willing to tell him. It can also potentially open up an important dialogue about your relationship: You need to know that you can trust him, and he you.

Remember Your Own
Don't forget -- you get to do this too. If your bachelorette party is going to be a spa day, that's one thing, but if you're hitting the town looking fabulous with your girlfriends, that's totally another. When you're talking about the bachelor party, be sure to talk about the bachelorette party as well: It's only fair that the two of you play by the same rules. Setting a mutual limit also makes the whole process feel less like each partner constraining the other and more about setting boundaries within your relationship.

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On the Big Night
Do not, we repeat, do not sit at home watching the clock and wondering what he's doing. Make plans of your own, get out of the house, and go have a good time! Even if you aren't up for going out to a club, surely you can muster the energy to go to the movies with a friend or two. The scenarios you come up with in your head are most likely a thousand times more lurid than anything that's actually going on -- and if you've followed our advice so far, you should be able to feel okay about things anyway. Remember, there might be a lot of girls out there, but you are the one he wants to marry.

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