Just the other day, I came to the conclusion that Facebook is evil. It all started when I ran into an old acquaintance I haven't seen in a while. She started telling me about her new long distance boyfriend, that pesky wisdom tooth that she got pulled and the fact that she recently rescued a kitten from an animal shelter.
As she was blabbing on about her life, I realized something. Wait a second, I already know all of this. Why do I know all these random facts about someone I don't even really know? And then it hit me... this was my first real-life encounter with an obnoxious Facebooker.
Not sure if you know an obnoxious Facebooker? (Or even worse, if you are an obnoxious Facebooker?) Well, I'm going to help you figure that out.
You're definitely the person everyone secretly wants to defriend if ...
1. You update your status with vacation countdowns. "Just booked the hotel for Cancun -- 94 Days!!!" We get it. You're excited. But 94 days is 93 days too many to hear about it.
2. You tag multiple pictures every single time you leave the house. Because how else will people know that you actually have a wild and crazy social life if you don't tag TONS of pictures?! HOW?
3. You update your status incessantly during any sports game you watch. Ask yourself this: If you watch a football game and don't write about it on Facebook... did you really watch it?
4. You post entire photo albums of just kissy faces. Dear Lord. I don't have enough time to explain why this is bad. Just no. Un-pucker those lips immediately.
5. You take your issues out on the Facebook community. Firing off statuses like, "Leave me alone. Don't try calling me. I hate everyone!!!!" only begs the question: why the hell are you on a social media site?
6. You use Facebook to try to get back at your ex. We know you've got #SingleGirlSwag now that you're on your own, but it's really obvious what you're trying to do.
7. Your status updates are TMI. I'm sorry about your baby's rash, that you were puking all night and about how badly you smell after that 10-mile run... but some things are better kept to yourself.
8. You fish for compliments. "OMG, this guy stopped me on the street and told me I have the most beautiful eyes ever. Yeah right! I look like shit today!!" *Rolls eyes.*
9. You update everyone daily, but your schedule hasn't changed. If you go to the gym every day, there's really no need to write "at the gym" on your status each time. We know you're there. We believe you.
10. You get a new haircut/makeover/outfit and immediately upload a picture. Because God forbid you wait for people to see you in person.
Do you have an obnoxious Facebook friend? What have they done that annoys you?
More from The Stir: