01/04/2008 11:07 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Clinton Aide Accuses Obama of Fathering Two Black Girls

Manchester NH -- Mark Penn, senior political strategist for the Hillary Clinton campaign, today urged Barack Obama to "come clean" and admit that he has fathered two African American girls.

Penn, speaking to reporters on the Manchester airport tarmac as he was getting his hair re-slimed, defended raising the issue on the grounds that his candidate is losing and he needed to throw as much shit at the wall as possible in hopes that something will stick.

"I'm merely pointing out that the senator has two children", Penn gurgled through layers of gelatinous neck fat, "yes they were born in wedlock, but the fact of the matter is they are not white and it's merely something for rural New Hampshire women over age 65 to consider". Penn added he had no "specific evidence" that Obama had "ever given or sold" the girls drugs.

In a related development, long time Clinton bagman Terry McAuliffe urged independent Granite State voters to "find something else to do next Tuesday". "For this to be a change election", he said, "we need our kind of turnout".