01/29/2014 01:42 pm ET Updated Mar 31, 2014

Ladders and Tumbrils

In an ideal State Of The Union speech Obama would have appeared with his face covered in camo paint like Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now glowering silently at the gaggle of impaired miscreants otherwise known as Republicans. Then, from beneath the podium, he would have produced the severed head of Jamie Dimon and casually tossed it into John Roberts lap as Ted Cruz shat both his own and Lindsey Graham's pants.

Needless to say, ours is not an ideal Union. In a thousand lifetimes even a semi-functioning Republic should be incapable of descending from John Quincy Adams to Louie Gohmert. Yet we are where we are. And while it was impossible to make it through all 87 of the Republican responses...(there was a woman who believes God has made us compassionately exceptional or exceptionally compassionate or something... an earnest woodchuck that turned out to be Mike Lee... and Rand Paul, who may turn out to be Lyndon LaRouche)... the GOP wants to lower taxes, to reform immigration by deporting immigrants, and to modify their "all of the above" approach to keeping women barefoot and pregnant by allowing them to wear flats during their forced transvaginal probe.

So yes, in comparison the president's speech was credible. Though it was disheartening to hear talk of "ladders of opportunity into the middle class." The middle class and poor are not separated by a ladder but by the rickety footstool of chance. Both would need to place the ladder aboard a space shuttle to reach the 1 percent.

And what SOTU would be complete without a final obscenity. The sight of Republicans who had sat on their hands during talk of pre-existing conditions nearly breaking them in applause for the incredible valor of Cory Remsburg. Breaking them in applause as the fetid pool of bipartisan scum from Menendez to McCain seeks to insure that other Cory Remsburg's have an 11th deployment.

Ladders are nice, but this country may soon have need of tumbrils.

PS Like all real Americans, The Patriot Brothers have their own thoughts on immigration.