11/22/2007 06:35 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

A Few Things I Am Thankful For

1) The expression on Lawrence Kudlow's face as he begs his viewers to buy stocks for the sake of this great country of ours and prays for another government bailout from the Fed.

2) Judith Regan's lawsuit.

3) The artfully deployed Viking accessories and appendages that shielded me from a full frontal ImagoRoboScopic view of Beowulf's manly member.

4) Joe Biden, for coining the line about how every sentence Rudy utters consists of "Noun + Verb + 9/11."

5) Dennis Hopper and Ameriprise Financial for giving us the single most depressing example of corporate co-option of the '60s ever contrived.